robot filter and happyrobot - updated 5/16/2012 1:56:12 PM http://www.happyrobot.net en-us http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12535 Here are some very unscientific diagrams of a few of our friends found in the great blue deep.
- link: Anatomy of Sea Life (8 Pics) | Pleated-Jeans.com

- posted: rich - 5/16/2012 11:53:27 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12534 - link: Manhattan Etiquette Teacher Gives Us Her Top 10 Etiquette Tips

- posted: rich - 5/16/2012 11:02:20 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12531
- link: Japanese Monkey Potato Feeding Frenzy - YouTube

- posted: rich - 5/16/2012 9:42:59 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12529 What kind of pastor files lawsuits against Christians?
- link: Church Sues Woman for $500K After Negative Google Review | Video Cafe

- posted: rich - 5/16/2012 9:22:24 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12526 - link: Teachers Dancing Behind Students - YouTube

- posted: rich - 5/16/2012 7:10:22 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12524 The first problem with this scenario is that You Cannot Enlighten the Unconscious. Think about it: how likely is it that the hateful, paranoid, bigoted Right-wing knuckle-draggers will grasp your message, and if they do, what
- link: Daily Kos: State Hate: The Collateral Damage of a North Carolina Boycott

- posted: rich - 5/16/2012 6:41:41 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12527 Excavations of the bodies have been going on for many years, you can find out more from the Easter Island Statue Project. It's generally accepted that the statues were made sometime between 1250 and 1500 AD. There is controversy surrounding why the bodies are buried. Was it time and erosion, or were they buried on purpose?
- link: Easter island heads have bodies!?? | Thinkbox

- posted: rich - 5/16/2012 6:33:33 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12521 - link: Life in Australia by ~pokketmowse on deviantART

- posted: rich - 5/15/2012 8:02:56 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12523 - link: Natalie Dee: important pony brushing business

- posted: rich - 5/15/2012 7:06:47 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12522 Woah, these are all real shows with real people in them. They all look like jokes but they are all real actual television shows.
- link: nbctv: New 2012-13 NBC Comedies Woah, these... | Ned Hepburn

- posted: rich - 5/15/2012 7:03:50 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12520 This is so awesome.
- link: Mike Birbiglia's new short film from This American Life LIVE - YouTube

- posted: rich - 5/14/2012 7:08:48 PM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12519 - link: Daily Kos: It Doesn't Matter What the Bible says About Homosexuality

- posted: rich - 5/14/2012 3:31:07 PM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12518 Well, you're now dealing with behavior and I'm trying to figure out exactly what you're trying to mean by that. Because you're dealing with - race and sexual preferences are two different things. One is a behavior-related and preference-related and one is something inherently - skin color, something obvious, that kind of stuff. You don't walk up to someone on the street and look at them and say, "Gay or straight?"
- link: GOP Rep. Lankford Explains Why It Should Be Legal To Fire Someone For Being Gay: 'It's A Choice Issue' | ThinkProgress

- posted: rich - 5/14/2012 12:16:12 PM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12515 Share me! Share me "via" someone else! You can't stop yourself! How did you survive before, without having read me and having made all your friends read me on the subject of everyone reading me?
- link: Teddy Wayne: Sharing on the Internet : The New Yorker

- posted: rich - 5/14/2012 11:24:10 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12513 "One of my uncle's favorite things to do is open mail, and I thought that if he got a lot of mail it would cheer him up," says O'Connor.
- link: Reddit Users Surprise Terminally-Ill Man With Random Acts of Kindness

- posted: rich - 5/14/2012 8:16:11 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12512 "The cafe was opened by Vienna resident Takako Ishimitsu, a 47-year-old woman originally from Nagoya, Japan, who moved to Vienna some 20 years ago. She had to spend three years negotiating with city officials over hygiene issues for the cafe to be allowed to open.
- link: Vienna cat cafe with strict no dog policy - YouTube

- posted: rich - 5/14/2012 7:12:01 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12511 Japan's first police cat, an abandoned stray who unofficially joined the force at the tender age of two weeks. He now spends much of his time atop the service counter at Yoro Station, adding a kinder, gentler, dare we say "human" touch to the local cop shop.
- link: Japan's First Police Cat Rats Out Criminals

- posted: rich - 5/14/2012 7:11:07 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12510 - link: Jon Stewart Opens Up A Can O' Whoop Ass On Bigots In North Carolina | MoveOn.Org

- posted: rich - 5/13/2012 9:24:56 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12509 - link: The Strip | By Brian McFadden - Slide Show - NYTimes.com

- posted: rich - 5/13/2012 9:19:29 AM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/robotchow/robot_filter.asp?rfid=12508 A lesbian who sought a North Carolina marriage license with her partner and was rejected under a state law banning same-sex marriage was arrested with another person Thursday after they refused to leave a government office where several gay and lesbian couples were turned away.
- link: Lesbian seeking marriage license arrested in NC - CBS News

- posted: rich - 5/11/2012 3:30:29 PM
- perma-link
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/robot_journal.asp?r=10426 Talking about cats on the internet
Oh, what a day I had yesterday. You know we have a new cat, right? She’s orange and quirky and her name is Ruby. For the past week she has been staring at walls. When your cat stares at walls, she is either:
- Sensing mice in the walls
- Seeing dead people
- Seeing dead people in the walls living with mice
- Staring at the walls just to freak you out
- Thinking about paint
- Dimwitted

As I’m a bit of a cat-whisperer (in that I whisper to my cat) I know that she is sensing mice in the walls.


My favorite suit
I bought a new suit with my recent gambling winnings normal paycheck and I love it. The suit is nice, but what makes it the best (and therefore my favorite) is the tailoring they did. Perfectly done. Fits like a crazy leotard.

Here I am wearing my favorite suit after a long day of work. I open the door to my apartment and there is orange cat to greet me and then I see something odd on the floor and there’s the primal instinct that tells me “that is not a cat toy” (because cat toys are usually hair-ties and washcloths for this cat).

Oh, it’s a mouse. Or, it was a mouse. And honestly, it’s only half a mouse at this point. Here’s what it looks like.




Yuck.
Wearing a suit. Cleaning up blood and mouse guts while a smug orange cat sits and watches.
(“why are you cleaning up perfectly good guts?”)
I mop. I clean.

Later I hop on my bike and go out for an ride. When I come home she is now staring a bookshelf.

I jump in the shower. As soon as I finish and pull back the shower curtain, I see a small black blur zoom by with a large orange blur chasing it. Oh, crap. Another mouse?

Picture this: all the curtains are open. The lights are on. A pasty white guy in a towel is chasing a cat around trying to get the cat to drop the mouse and/or stay out of the office and bedroom. I’m sure my neighbors found that hilarious.


Good Kitty
As a professional cat owner, I know that you want to be very happy and encouraging when a cat catches a mouse.


Mouse #2
It takes a good 5-10 minutes to get the cat to give me the mouse.



Mouse #3
As I’m leaving to meet MattyJ for dinner, I see another mouse. Orange cat sees the mouse as well but isn’t able to catch it.
I fully expect another carcass when I get home tonight.

Mice Killing Cats Rule.


Why Mice?
They re-did the floors in the apartment next door and I’m sure they displaced some mice. We normally don’t have a rodent problem.
Then again, it’s a really old building. Our super, upon hearing of the recent mouse incidents, joked that our building is partially supported by the mice living in the walls.


Re-Run!
Our old cat was quite the mouser as well.
Dear Adina’s Rat – an open letter from my cat



]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/robot_journal.asp?r=10425 Dear North Carolina,
I was born in North Carolina and both my parents are from there. My wife is from there as is her entire family. I have many aunts and uncles and at one time I had a whole set of charming grandparents from there.

Most of my life’s big moments happened there. I went to college there. I was married there. I saw Polvo play in one of the earlier generations of the Miracle House there. I had a newspaper article written about me. Girls were kissed.

Even though I don’t currently live there right this second, it’s still my home state. I grew up in the mountains, visited grandmothers and attended college in the Piedmont, and wasted a few years of post-college life at the coast.

My father, uncle, and grandfather all graduated from UNC. Not being as motivated (smart?) as them, I didn’t attend UNC, but I did graduate from one of your other fine state schools.

I saw all three of the original Star Wars movies there.

My wife and I have our savings accounts in one of your banks. My money is helping NC residents buy homes and cars.


When people mistook you for South Carolina, I vigorously defended you.
“No, SC is the crazy inbred state with rest stops that have no facilities”
(I don’t think that highway rest stop fact is true anymore, but it was during my childhood)


I tell you all this now so that your first reaction isn’t, “Go back to liberal New York you pinko socialist!”



The point is this: Thank the God that you passed that amendment ONE! Your citizens were correct when they voted to protect the sanctity of marriage. As I mentioned above, I was married in NC. I paid for a marriage license and filled your municipal coffers. If the gays were allowed to marry, that would cheapen my marriage. The sanctity of it. Just the fact that two adults who loved each other were able to live together legally and file their taxes jointly… Just that fact would keep me up at night.
I’d start to question my marriage.

The thought of them in their bed… late at night… reading their GAY books and then (ewwwww) kissing each other goodnight.
“Did we lock our gay door?” one asks and the other has to get up and check.
Horrible. Just horrible.

*sigh*

Seriously. Thanks for protecting my marriage. I’ll be honest, a marriage is hard work and sometimes it gets shaky – as long as I know you are down there protecting it from these modern day mainstream-media-created-evils I will have that comfort and strength to make my marriage super-sanctified!











]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/sunshine_jen.asp?r=10424
The Camino is a 500 mile pilgrim trail across the north of Spain. Since medieval times, religious pilgrims have walked the trail to Santiago where the remains of St. James are kept. If you’ve seen the movie The Way starring Martin Sheen, you’ve seen the Camino.

A few months ago, Doug told me about the Camino, and the idea of it kept circling around in my head. Why the heck not. We walked out of St. Jean Pied du Port in France on Good Friday. We walked over the Pyrenees, through the vineyards of Rioja, and up onto the high plateau of Burgos. We stopped in Leon.

We walked 20-30 kilometres a day. There were plenty of small towns with places to eat and stay. I became a café con leche addict.

We spent 21 days on the Camino. Some days were eight hours of walking into a cold 50 mph wind. We walked in mud, rain, hail, and snow. I now know that mud can be both slippery and cake your boots.

 

We had many reasons for stopping in Leon and heading to the south of Spain, but the main reason was the weather. When we got on the train in Leon, the temperature was 6C. When we got off the train in Valencia, it was 22C. I did a happy dance. Doug put on sunscreen.

We did make it to a town called Santiago (Santiago de la Ribera) in Costa Blanca on the south coast of Spain. I guess our Camino is a little different from the usual Camino. Sometimes it feels right to step off the road everyone else is on and go somewhere unexpected. We only get one life. Why the heck not.

 

I would hike the Camino again (just not in an abnormally cold April), and I definitely want to hike from Leon to Santiago.

If you’re thinking of walking the Camino, go for it. It’s not hard walking. You can go at your own pace. You’ll meet great people. You’re in Spain. By the way, the rain in Spain does not stay mainly in the plains.

If anyone from the Camino in April is reading this, feel free to contact me via this website.

Buen Camino!


]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/pony.asp?r=10423 remember this? About 10 years ago, I showed my new boyfriend off to the internets.
He took me out to try fish for the first time. It was unusual for me to post pics of myself or others, as it was pre-facebook and I was keen on this archaic notion of privacy. But I was dating a super-fox. And I kind of wanted to let the world know.

10 years later, I still think he's a superfox silverfox. Biking home from work today, I came across Harbord Fish and Chips. I called him up and we were soon swept up in nostalgic reverie. "Let's eat there tonight!" Spot the little monkey behind him....



]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/robot_journal.asp?r=10422

"He lives in a co-op in Berkeley called Fort Awesome"
Page 55
New Yorker magazine
April 16th issue



Fort Awesome
There I am, minding my own business, when I come across this sentence in an article in the New Yorker. F’ing Fort Awesome. How awesome is that?
Of course, it is a real co-op in Berkeley. On their website, there is a photo of a man with a chicken on his head.



"Fort Awesome! We have chickens on our heads!"


xoxo.



]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/robot_journal.asp?r=10421 Buffalo
Last week I was in Buffalo for 48 hours.
You know, I’m sure it’s a lovely town and I just seem to go to craptacular places there... but, holy hell, I don’t ever need to go back to Buffalo. After a longish day due to some airline difficulty and other general shenanigans, it’s time for dinner and my co-worker and I (who’ll we’ll call “Joe”) decide to blow off Buffalo and have dinner in Toronto. We are having dinner in a totally different country to avoid having dinner in Buffalo, NY.

I texted Adina about where to eat in T-Town (is that we call it?) and she enlists her social media circle on Orkut to chime in on their favorite places. Lots of good ideas and we chose Lee Restaurant because:
(1) There is a very low chance that they would have wings there
(2) Susur Lee is the owner/chef and I thought he was cool on The Top Chef Masters television program


Four things about this meal
(1) It was 72 miles from our hotel
(2) Chef Lee was there. He walked right past us. He spent a lot of time tweaking the lights.
(3) The “Singapore Slaw” with 19 ingredients. This was a brilliant salad. My co-worker (“Joe”) and I both had our socks knocked off by this salad. I could eat this every single day for lunch.
(4) Their Peking duck was superb. It’s served deconstructed (wait, isn’t Peking duck always deconstructed?) and features these amazing accompainents like pickled ginger dyded with beat juice, chutney, and a nice chunk of foie gras. Foie gras + Peking duck = Hola Amigo!



St. Louis
After Buffalo I was in St. Louis.
That’s a pretty town, although everyone was quick to add, “well, if you went two blocks that way, it’s a war zone”.
Whatever. They have some nice, grand homes and lovely springtime weather.



Mouser!
Oh, and our tiny kitten cat greeted Mrs. Robot the other night with a mouse in her mouth. Mrs. Robot did not have a fun time retrieving the mouse and, granted, it’s not something that is fun to do, but I’m so proud of our little orange friend. She had been watching this one spot in the kitchen for a few days so we knew something was up.
Good going kitty!


Quercy
Our favorite neighborhood joint, Quercy, is closing at the end of this week. For many years this was our go-to place for raises, new jobs, or anything else that needed celebrating. I will miss their rack of lamb.
(luckily, they also own La Luncheonette in Chelsea which is literally a stone’s throw away from my office)






Dude, you farted
The other morning I’m walking up the stairs from the subway on my way to work. It’s a bit crowded on the stairwell which means that you find yourself in that uncomfortable situation of sometimes having your face closer to someone’s rear end than you normally would.

The guy in front of me farts.
Ah, jeez. I mean, first of all, I heard it - which is noteworthy because we are about to emerge onto the street and it’s pretty loud. Oh, and suddenly it smelled horrible (I mean, worse than the subway can normally smell (this station often has homeless poopers in it)).

I’m all riled up. The guy knew there were people right behind him. You don’t do that. Then again, maybe this was a gas-passing that had not been planned - I mean, I heard it and it was loud enough over the din of the street noise.
We get up on the street and I’m looking at the guy as we stand on the corner about to cross the street. I guess I’m trying to read his expressions on this farting. Wait, I just re-read that last sentence. “read his expressions on this farting”?

End of story: As he crosses the street (after farting on me) he trips and drops his pager.
Yes, pager.
Into a puddle.




Virginia
The week before I was in Virginia Beach. It was a cold and dark day in Virginia Beach. I had a 5pm flight and as the plane finally made it out of the clouds, we were all reminded that the sun is still out... way up there.
Pretty flight home.
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/runtime_error.asp?r=10420



It's 2 (two) days after the Boston Marathon and I realize that I probably should "get over" myself and stop thinking and talking about it.

I'm so sorry to bore you.

But I did want to compile some notes here right away and answer some FAQ's.  I am also outlining a lot of thoughts from the day (from the moments I could remember and my brain wasn't melting and dripping down my face) and hope to have a true race report up in the next day or two.

Q. Did you win?

A. I'm sorry, I did not.  The Kenyan won.  Wesley Korir, in fact.  Also, Kenyan's came in 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 6th, 8th and 10th.  I think they may have teamed up and the cards were stacked against me.

Q. Did you come in 11th place?

A. Actually, I came in just over 15-thousandth place.  But still better than about 6,000 runners.  In fact, I beat former New England Patriot Teddy Bruschi.  Though, he is a stroke survivor, so I guess I had a leg up on him. 

Q. How did you do?

A. I haven't quite decided yet.

Q. What does that mean?

A. I finished in 4 hours and 37 minutes.  EXACTLY one hour slower than my original goal.

Q. But that sounds like a good time!  What happened?

A.  The heat was unbearable.  For 2 days prior to the race the BAA was recommending that people defer to next year, especially if this was their first marathon.   It was like running in a heavy, wet, winter coat.

Q. HOW HOT WAS IT?

A. Some reports say it hit 90 degrees on the course.  A Boston record! Experienced marathoners have been saying, on-line, that this was the most brutal race they ever participated in.  Last year's winner and marathon record holder Geoffrey Mutai had to drop out at mile 18 and DNF.

Q. What was the best part?

A. After some reflection, a lot of best parts.  Mostly, seeing Q and Romine on the course, two times, cheering me on.  Without knowing that they could be right around the corner, I might have bailed. And seeing Ginny, and Whitney on the course too. Traveling to Hopkinton and starting the race with Kelly.  Seeing Jana and Hadas at the finish. Stopping to say hi to the AccesSport peeps at the foot of heartbreak hill. And maybe best of all, the little girl who gave me a green flavor-ice, somewhere around mile 22.

Q. How do you feel?

A. Actually, right now, pretty great! Not too good at mile 24 and not at all on Monday night, but I just entered the lottery for the NYC Marathon in November, so things should be alright.

]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/runtime_error.asp?r=10419
Runners in online forums have been paying close attention to the April 16 forecast all week and this past Monday the swings and variations on websites saw anything from 50 and raining (please god) to 85+ with a tailwind (shoot me).

Three days out it's looking like mid 80s is a lock and there's speculation of the race being "black flagged", true under 3 hour racers dropping out and people reminicing about the 85 degree marathon in 2004 where 2,000 people DNFd and another 2,000 made use of medical tents along the way. Others are talking of 2010 Chicago where the race was "cancelled" after half the field started cause they just couldn't get enough water on the course.

So what does all of this mean?

Is it internet paranoia? Is there a real fear of going out at goal pace and overheating in the first 5 miles? Will I be using the limbs of fallen runners to pull myself up heartbreak hill?

There are various pacing formulas that tell you how much you need to back off your "race" pace at temps above 65 degrees. At 85 its looking like a 10-20% drop off.

It's kind of frustrating, after training for 16 weeks, never missing a session to think I'll have to back off that much. Turn it into a "fun-run" if you can call 26.2 miles such a thing.

But really, what did aiming for 3:40 really mean? It's completely arbitrary. It wouldn't be a Boston Qualifying time. It was a time and goal I set that I know in decent conditions I could reach and most likely break.

Is the Boston Marathon those 26.2 miles from Hopkinton to Copley Square?  Or is it everything else that surrounds it?  The winter training, the lonely 20 milers in February, the anticipation? 

What's it really about right now? It's about going out on the best day of the year, of any year, running my ass off (whether it takes 3:40, 4 flat or 4:20), and having a BLAST!

So that's my plan. Winter, Summer, Fall, I've always felt that a 9 per mile pace was something I could run forever. So I think that's going to be my goal pace. For at least the first 20. We can take stock and decide to race the last 6 then. Wth any luck I can put in a sub-4 hour marathon and have a story to tell for the rest of my life.

Tomorrow I have an easy 3 mile run where I will try and tone it down a bit to see what 9 minute miles on the road feel like, pick my best friend up at the train station, and go to a one-year-old's birtday party. It's going to be awesome.

Monday, I'm gonna go out, and have the best fucking day of my life.

I got 5 on it.




]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/runtime_error.asp?r=10418
This week is busy with a work event tomorrow night, a team event on Thursday evening, a few training sessions and the marathon expo starting Friday.

I went to the expo last year to pick up my bib # for the marathon-weekend 5k, but in some way felt like I didn't belong. This year I am going to go, maybe more than once, and really savor the experience.

This is likely my one and only Boston Marathon. The charity fundraising goal is high, and I'd have to shave off more time than I could ever manage if I wanted to be an automatic qualifier.

My big fear right now is that I end up in Hopkinton on Monday wearing the wrong socks, or not having any shoes. It's like the actor's nightmare but for running.

So, here's my weekly to-do list. Let me know if I am missing anything! I've got to pack it all in and giterdone.

1. Tailor my outfit

I am wering a red satin team AccesSportAmerica tank that they gave us in order to spread the word about the charity. I'll be wearing a running shirt under this but the cut of the tank is all wrong. I need to bring up the neck line a bit and re-sew the shoulders

2. Watch my weight

I am convinced that since I am not running as much this week but continue to eat constantly, I am going to put on 15 pounds by Monday. That would definitely put my goal time into question

3. Create the ultimate 50ish minute playlist

I don't plan to run with music; the cheering crowd is something I want to take in for as long as possible. BUT, I may need something to get me through those last 6.2 miles so I'll pocket an old iPod shuffle that's hanging around. Thank god Kylie Minogue can help me out of any bind. This song will be the anchor:



Add in some Katy Perry, some Modeselektor, something produced by Timbaland, and I should be all set

4. Here's where I need your help!

I need to get my name on my outfit and written on my arm or something so people can cheer me on. We've always cheered for people wearing yellow (go yellow!) but I can't wear any cause of my red satin top. We also cheer for canadians (hi Pony) but I'm not canadian and don't want to misrepresent.

I am thinking of going with "CROSOL" since that's what everyone calls me and "Go Chris" is beyond boring. "Klutch" might be a bit presumptous, and also, it's my friend's nickname, not mine.

Is "CROSOL" easy to see and scream?

5. How the fuck do I get to hopkinton?

---

I'm running the Boston Marathon with team AccesSportAmerica. Please support me by donating today! Click here, it's easy and fun: http://www.crowdrise.com/crosol
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/robot_journal.asp?r=10417 Checks
Are you still writing checks? For the rent at Corporation De La Roboto, I have to write a check. Literally, that is the only reason I have a checkbook. This morning, it being the first of the month, I had to pull out my checkbook (or is it chequebook?) to write a check to our landlord.

Landlord fun fact! His first name and last name are the same. And he lives in Syria.

Did I mention that I had a conversation with our super recently and he was “dishing” (well, not really) about some of the rents in our building. There’s one family that is paying $600 for a 3BR.
Crikey. Rent stabilization is the crazy.

I’m off topic. Last month I realized that I had no more checks left so I contacted my bank and in what was a way too complicated process ordered checks. The checks arrived a week or two ago and this morning I finally opened the box.

Wait. Do young people (Generation Yjr) write checks? I guess they do.


Two things...

ONE
You know, not to be depressing, but this could be the last box of checks I ever order. I mean, I use one a month. There are six checkbooks in there.
Someone else do the math.


TWO
Like I said, I had a very loop-jumping-through process to get the checks. My banks interweb bank site apparently couldn’t process the request and I had to speak to their call center. The guy verified all the information on the checks (remember when people would put ALL their information on the check?) and asked me which style I wanted (green) and what the last check number was.

I thought the “last check number” question was odd because I figured that if anyone would know which number it was, it might be the bank. But, I guess not. So, I looked that up and gave them that info. It was a high number.


This morning I open the box and get a checkbook out and even put it in that little plastic sleeve that always reminds me of my mother (she has dark blue plastic skin) and went about the taking care of the business.
And then I notice the check number.

]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/runtime_error.asp?r=10416
One sign is that if I am shopping with my wife, and she loses me (on purpose, i imagine), I stand around confused like an old man in Walmart.

Another sign is that the thing I want to talk about most is how poorly people drive.

For the last year, thanks in part to our crazy winter and living in awesome locations on the "right side" of the river, I've been able to commute to work by bicycle about 4 out of 5 days per week. On top of that, I spend a considerable amount of time running, walking, etc. and I've been able to witness a lot of this poor driving from the unique perspective of someone not in another multiple-ton vehicle.

No joke, cars no longer stop at red lights, or stop signs, and if we as a society are willing to disregard such simple rules and regulations then I think I have finally given up all hope. (The other signs of a lawless society that leave me feeling existential are a Kentuck vs. Kansas final, and a certified crack addict winning the Ronde van Vlaanderen.)

I am one of the rare cyclists that DO stop for signals. At least for the length of time that allows me survey the situation and then race myself a half block ahead of these cell-phone-yapping yahoos in their killer Prius'. Every light. Every single effing one, I see it turn red, and the next car blows through it. At least at 5 of 7 lights I encounter on my way to work, ever single day, every single week.

Worse is blowing a stop sign.

Which brings me to todays run.

13 miles at Marathon Pace, 2 weeks of training to go, and the first nice bit of "tapering" I've got going on. It was hard to figure how to dress today and I ended up a little warm with a long-sleeved tech shirt with a mock-turtle neck and gloves.

With 2 miles to go I was running along a major road and using a cross walk when a car blew a stop sign and pretty much had to skid to stop from hitting me. I slowed down and gave the international "whassup?" sign




and then pointed at the stop sign (the big red thing with something like 5 or 6 sides and the word STOP printed in white). I can understand a mistake and a slight wave from the driver would have made me feel all warm and fuzzy and kicked my last 2 miles into gear.

But, instead, I got the double bird, two (not one, two) middle fingers from behind the steering wheel from this lovely middle-aged, hybrid-vehicle-driving Cambridgian.

Thanks lady!

Also, if you didn't hear, I am totally famous and you can read about it here:

http://nbcityjournal.com/archives/4364

And if you don't read it I can give you a synopsis: I am awesome, and you should support my training by making a donation to this great cause by going here and clicking the big effing DONATE button on the right side of the screen (thanks to all of you who have done so so far! there's a gift in it for you, I just have to figure out which one to give you):

http://www.crowdrise.com/crosol

And also, I was in the same gym class as Tebucky Jones.

Thanks for reading, two weeks to go till go, tell me what to wear on the 16th and here's my data from today:


]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/sunshine_jen.asp?r=10415 How did it happen? How did I become That Girl in zumba class?

You know That Girl with her abs showing. That Girl who seems to know all the steps. That Girl who laughs when she messes up because it’s no big deal. It’s just zumba class which is fun.

How did I become That Girl. I saw her in the mirror and wondered, is that really me? That’s me????

Eeeeeeee! Girlie scream.

Okay, there’s a perfectly good explanation for the cropped top. It was a new tank, and it was too tight over the core, so I folded it up.

No, I don’t know all the steps, and it took me a long time to get confident with the steps I do know. I have terrible muscle memory and need to do things over and over and over again to get them.

In the positives column, I can count to four, and that’s about as high as you need to count when you do zumba. Sometimes you count to eight, but only sometimes.

And zumba is great fun. Usually, once a class, all thirty women in the class are doing exactly the same thing at the same time. It’s a very powerful feeling---like something out of The Bacchae by Euripides---only without the beheadings and Greek tragedy.

So if like me in your first zumba class, you’re feeling lost and awkward and wondering when the torture will end. Maybe you’re internally sneering at Those Girls who seem to be able to do everything perfectly. Just remember Those Girls once took their first class, and oh golly that was awkward. So be bold. All you’ve got to lose are calories.

Besides, boldness is not about showing off the abs and looking hot. Boldness is about trying something new. You might not be perfect at it, but you’re showing up and trying it.

By the way, this morning, I did two hours of zumba at a new studio called LA Dancefit. This place was so much fun. We had disco lights over our heads at ten am on a Saturday morning. Sweet.

]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/robot_journal.asp?r=10414 Funeral
Dear Robot Mom-in-law passed away last week. I got back from the homestead on Tuesday night while Mrs. Robot stayed down there to take care of business as you have to do.


Wedding?
My brother and his family drove up for the funeral. That was really sweet of them. He brought his two kids (AKA robot niece and nephew) (and his wife) and it was great to see them again even though we had seen them recently. They do like their Uncle Robot.
Here’s the funny thing:
(1) They are young
(2) I don’t think the concept of a funeral was really described to them
(3) Their parents kind of kept them in the back of the church during the whole service

So, keeping in mind those points, I only recently realized the meaning behind some odd comments they made to me about getting married to Mrs. Robot and if I was embarrassed to kiss her in front of people. Did they think the funeral was our wedding?
I think they did. I look forward to discussing this in 15 years when they talk about going to my wedding (“no, that was a funeral”).
I think they thought it was a wedding (in kids brains: (suits + church + crying) = wedding or funeral).

[UPDATE: Sister-in-law disagrees with me on this one as she did brief them that they were going to a funeral]


Organized
Thank Jeebus that mom-in-law was pretty organized and that she had foreseen her death (somewhat). Most everything was taken care of.
It breaks my heart to think of what other people would have to go through when a loved one passes away either very suddenly or when they are totally unorganized. Yow.

Take away: Ask your loved ones to keep things organized.



FUNeral
Once again, funerals are odd because there is that crazy contrast.
“Oh, I am so sad!”
“Oh, I’m laughing because there is cousin Joe who does that thing!”
Some of our pals came up/down for the funeral, including the lovely KMAC who wins the award for “Most Helpful Person Who Went Through Our Underwear Drawer”. It was nice. We sat out on the deck and reminisced and/or went on rides in the family golf cart (6yr old niece: best driver).


Received
We did the receiving line thing in front of the church. 300+ showed up. I said, “I’m Mrs. Robot’s husband” about 300+ times. I learned a lot about my mom-in-law. She did some awesome stuff.
Buy me a drink and I’ll tell you everything.


Taps
Mom-in-law was a friggin Marine. How cool is that? Is your mom-in-law a Marine?
Didn’t think so.
She had a full military funeral with the flag on the casket and a little group of (female) Marines who came out and did the flag folding thing and then played taps. Guess why the Marine who was playing ‘taps’ was standing so far away? C’mon! Guess!
You’re right. She was “playing” to a recording. Apparently there is a shortage of people who can play taps.


Obamas
Mrs. Robot said that during the actual graveside part of the service, the time she really choked up was when the Marine presented the folded flag to her father and said, “on behalf of President Barack Obama, yadda yadda yadda”. She was like, “Obama said that?! Waaaah”.


Taps
Speaking of taps. I have a crazy thing for the armed forces. I mean, not a sexy crazy thing, but more of a “I’ll tear up watching a beer commercial about a military guy in the airport being saluted by an old man” crazy thing. I don’t know why, but they make me crazy sentimental for some reason. That said, I feared that when they played taps, I’d start blubbering. I didn’t. I’ll blame it on the recording.

I think I feared it would be like that Christmas/funeral episode of the West Wing. Crikey.



Memorial Fund
Carolina Cancer Service, 25 West 6th Avenue, Lexington, NC 27292.
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?r=10413
 ]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/runtime_error.asp?r=10412  

First, a shout out to Becky who ran a 50k this weekend.  Amazing.

I ran my last 20 mile training run today. From here on out it's all about tapering. Keeping up the fitness and drawing down the miles for three weeks and then, the big day.

April, 16. Marathon Monday. Best day of the year.

Today was kind of great. Temp in the 40's and overcast. NO WIND! Most likely cause I changed up my long run routine and ran the Minuteman Bike Path instead of along the Charles. It was great to do this run since my first 3 years of running were mostly on this path when we lived in stupid Arlington (dumb, stupid, Arlington.) And it's not 100% windy both out and back.  Actually, it's downhill on the way back wheich gave me a nice negative split and allowed me to hit my goal average training pace for the day.

But . . . I am exhausted. I assume most people training for the marathon are in the same place right now. No matter what your trainign program, 3 weeks before and we've all put in as much as we can for the past 10, 12, 16 weeks.

A lot of the trouble now is the mental fatigue. Getting the motivation to go out and run that 20. Blocking out those 3-4 hours it takes to get ready and to run. The additional hour or two to recover, relax, nap. Whatever is needed.

I was thinking today that I am REALLY looking forward to running for ME again. Going out for a 3 mile run if I want to. Or an 8 or a 10. Not being tied to a schedule and not having to put in 18 or 20 every weekend.

But I think that is just the mental fatigue setting in again. I am positive that when I am done with this I am going to be searching for my next goal right away.

Riding my bike to see all yall in NYC?

Taking the inspiration from Ms. BP and looking for an ultra?

Signing up for NYC or Chicago in the fall?

Or maybe just taking it as it comes, and going out for that relaxing, meditative 5 miler on the weekend and then having a beer.

That sounds nice right about now.

---

I'm running the Boston Marathon with team AccesSportAmerica. Please support me by donating today! Click here, it's easy and fun: http://www.crowdrise.com/crosol]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/robot_journal.asp?r=10411 Sads
My mother-in-law (Mrs. Robot’s mom that is) was diagnosed with breast cancer nine years ago. It has been a tough fight and there were lots of ups and downs.


Marine
I’ve known Brenda for 20 years. As a young woman she served in the Marine Corps, got married, had a baby (i.e. Mrs. Robot) and then her husband left her. Still not really sure what happened there but she was left to raise Mrs. Robot on her own. Single mom. It worked out fine in the end.

They are tough women.

Flight Cancellations
I write this as I sit in the Raleigh-Durham airport (motto: our Wifi barely works even if you pay for it!) after a wonky day. I was in Raleigh for work and was flying out this morning to go to sexy Indiana (motto: Rich thinks we’re sexy). Mrs. Robot was at her mother’s house also here in NC and yesterday she was realizing that things were declining quickly.

This morning I arrive at RDU to fly out and my flight is cancelled for some reason. I’m rebooked on a 6pm flight. Normally, this would this involve sitting in airports all day, but it allowed me time to rent a car and drive the 90 minutes to Mrs. Robot’s family homestead to visit her and her mom.
Strange how these things work out.


Tough
I arrived at the house this morning. The scene I found was heartbreaking. Mom-in-law is sleeping a lot. She’s not eating. We’ve gotten her to chew on ice and she seems to like that. But she isn’t responding to much. She opened her eyes and looked at me.

I hope she isn’t in pain, but I fear she is. She is sleeping but also seems to be struggling. The worst. I want to be an optimist, but I’ll probably be back in NC soon for the funeral.




The Update
She passed away last night. Her daughter and her sister were both at her side. I had spoken to Mrs. Robot earlier that evening and we were chuckling over a funny quip her mom had just said - and then she passed away hours later.




Hug People
We probably all need to hug our loved ones more often.

]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/pony.asp?r=10410
I skipped school a lot, but not in the way that makes for exciting stories. Mostly I liked to spend time by myself, to take a break from the intensity of teenage-dom. I would spend afternoons watching movies, in used book stores and - this is something I have always loved but never do anymore - eating in restaurants alone. With a book. Pre-cellphone, no distractions, leaning over bowls of noodles in chinatown and splattering a paperback novels.

But back to the notes and the forged script. I got so good at faking my mom's handwriting that I kind of forgot how to do my own. After hours of practice, and long after I got caught, her shaky illegible scrawl consumed my own evolving, passable cursive. I still write like my mom, all these years later. Although you might argue that I should just own it, already.

There's a lesson in this somewhere. I think about anything you try on in order to pass yourself on as someone else. Eventually even that fake stuff gets absorbed, sometimes it overtakes you, and you forget how you used to do it - what was authentic to you.

But there's hope in here. You can rewire parts of yourself to be good things, too, right? More patient, generous, attentive. Try it on for size. Practice the looping I's and the disjointed K's. Soon you'll have a whole new hand.]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/runtime_error.asp?r=10409  
(wow, that's a lot of calories)

Before I left the house today, The Wife ® told me:

"You're the boss . . . of running related things."

(Sorry, Stu, for my use of the ellipses)

So with that I trotted down the stairs from my apartment and headed out for 20 Miles into a gorgeous 50+ degree day.

And was hit in the face with 20 mile an hour winds. Consistently. For the first 10 miles and much of the second 10.

I am blessed (poor word choice) to have the Charles river 3 (three) blocks away and that I can use it as my back yard. But there is this strange phenomenon of always running into a headwind, both on the "out" and "back" on the Charles. I don't like wind. I hate it while bike riding and I don't like it much more when running. But I suppose no one does.

The good news is I got the 20 in pain free. Thanks for the tips, Internets! I had the usual aches and started slowing down towards the end but no sharp IT Band issues.

Next week is a 15 mile run and then my last 20 is the week after that. I think this is the real thick of it and I've been more tired and cranky than usual but the 3 weeks of taper before the race should do a lot of good.

Today's run was supposed to be at a pace of 20 seconds slower than my intended marathon pace and I failed at that by about 10 seconds per mile. I could blame the wind, or the time I spent at crosswalks but I'll take responsibility and just say that I am a bit run down from all the training and a lingering cold. Hopefully the adreniline on race day will help me get through just a smidge faster.

The FiRST program that I have been using has not failed me in the past for my half marathons, 10 and 5ks, and I've always run faster than my projected time so I will continue to trust in it.  I am still a little nervous about having to go 6+ miles more than my longest training run and at a faster clip.

But I am psyched for the crowds, hopefully some nice weather, and rocking this thing in just over a month from today!



]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/sunshine_jen.asp?r=10408 LACMA (aka Los Angeles County Museum of Art) is currently transporting a huge rock from a quarry in Riverside County to Wilshire Boulevard where it will be installed as an art piece called Levitated Mass. I believe the rock will be the mass which is levitated.

You can read more about this magic rock here.

I was inspired this undertaking. I find it amazing that after thousands of years of civilization, we still get our kicks by moving rocks around. Here are seven monologues inspired by the rock.

Monologue 1:

ROCK: Nooooo. Don’t move me. I was happy in the quarry with the other rocks. I had a good thing going with a pile of dirt. Why are you moving me? I’m heavy for a reason. What reason? Ohhh I don’t know, maybe so I won’t be moved. Put me back! Put me back!


Monologue 2:

Excerpts from a lecture by Dr. Dashus Beebop entitled “Religious Artifacts from the Los Angeles Excavation” delivered at the National Geographic Society on February 31, 4057.

DR. BEEBOP: There are many theories about the rock. We’ve ruled out any possible film connection although we did find mention of both a film called The Rock and an actor who was temporarily called The Rock. Neither had any connection to this particular rock. The film was set in San Francisco, and the Rock actor changed his name. I think we can assume that this rock was the center of a alter for a cult which worshipped it. However, its placement near the La Brea tarpits makes one wonder if such geological worship had more than one form.


Monologue 3:

The lizard smashed under the tires of the slow moving truck.

LIZARD: Air. . .heavy. . .


Monologue 4:

A female fan runs up to the Rock with her friend.

FEMALE FAN: Oh! My! God! It’s the rock! Quick take my picture! Take my picture! Take my picture! Oh! My! God! It’s so big. . .and hard! I mean of course, it’s hard. It’s a rock! But it’s like a hot rock! I can’t believe I’m standing next to the rock! OhmyGod! OhmyGod! OhmyGod!

The Female Fan proceeds to vomit on the rock.


Monologue 5:

Matthew Crawley from Season Two of Downton Abbey.

MATTHEW: I propose a toast. To the rock. Like me, the rock can not walk or produce an heir.

LADY MARY: I am so so sorry.

MATTHEW: Stay away from me. I am a rock! I am not what I was in those happy carefree days of Season One. Wait, what’s the wiggly feeling? Wait! I can stand! I can walk! Cousin Mary, will you marry me?


Monologue 6:

The Rock wins an Oscar.

ROCK: I come from a quarry in Riverside. I never thought I would be here. I’d like to thank the academy, my agent. I would like to dedicate this to all the rocks back in the quarry. Our day will come.


Monologue 7:

The traffic light which the slow moving truck must pass in the middle of the night.

TRAFFIC LIGHT: It’s green. You can go. Okay, you’re going. Slowly. Okay, you’re still going. Yep, there you go. Okay, still in the intersection. No, don’t speed up. Just go through the intersection. Just keep going. There you go. Go. . .go. . .go. . .go
]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/robot_journal.asp?r=10407 Hello DC!
Mrs. Robot will be celebrating a birthday this week and for her birthday she wanted to go to DC and eat at the America Eats pop-up restaurant that Jose Andres created. So, um, that is what we did.

First: Transport
I thought about taking the Amtrak down to DC. I also thought about springing for the fancy tickets and taking the Acela down as it was a birthday weekend and that would be fun.
Crikey. How does Amtrak stay in business? If we wanted to take any sort of train, it would cost more and take longer than flying down. How does that make sense?



Hotel
If in DC and needing a place to sleep, we really enjoyed the Hotel Monaco. The hotel is in the old post office building and it’s pretty mammoth. Through some sort of frequent-flyer/credit card/sleeping with the general manager deal I was able to upgrade to their suite (and sweet) rooms for a big $35 per night. I’d recommend that.
Our room was lovely. Nice living room area. Big bedroom. Both rooms had like 1000ft tall ceilings. The bathroom had a tub that could fit all of us. Deep. Mood lighting. Yow.


Museums
If you stay at the Monaco, you are near both the Portrait Gallery (across the street) and the Spy Museum (a block away). We wandered through the Portrait Gallery while it rained outside. Good stuff - especially the president section.
Also, the Spy Museum. Totally fun and interactive and includes lots of gadgets. Spies!




Dinner #1: Oyamel
Mexican food. Small plates.
Oysters. Scallops. Duck confit on masa. Cochinita pibil tacos. Beef tongue tacos. Squash salad. Tres leches rum cake.
Mrs. Robot was excited about the margaritas with the salt foam - they were awesome. Very handsome restaurant with great staff although pretty crowded and popular. Good for them.


Dinner #2: America Eats
“José Andrés announced this morning a groundbreaking partnership with the Foundation for the National Archives in support of the National Archives’ exhibit, What’s Cooking, Uncle Sam? The Government’s Effect on the American Diet, opening June 10th, 2011, in Washington, DC. José Andrés’ ThinkFoodGroup will create a temporary American restaurant as a culinary extension of the National Archives’ exhibit.” (more)
Pretty cool concept. Real American food. Old recipes but done with some modern techniques. The wine list had footnotes and there was a lot of text to read on the menus. Lovely dinner. We did the tasting menu because that would allow us to not decide and give us a large variety of things for the meal.
Start:
Glenmorangie and a Moscow Mule (in fun Moscow Mule cup) and a bottle of Chateau Montelena Chardonnay (as they don't have a white burgundy).

1. Hushpuppies with bourbon butter.
2. Butter oysters with a pinch of mace (mace! Like grandma’s pound cake!)
3. Oddly amazing Walfdorf Salad.
4. Buttermilk fried chicken with blackberry catsup. And gooseberry catsup. Um. That was the bomb.
5. Shrimp and (Anson, SC) grits.
6. Eisenhower stew
7. New York cheesecake. Deconstructed.

Really wonderful meal. If we weren’t married, it would have been a good night to propose marriage. The butter oysters: holy cow. They take the oyster and put it on the grill and get it generally heated up and then a very hot few drops of butter (and a pinch of mace) are put on the oyster. I think that is how they did that - but damn. I’m still thinking about it.

The catsup with the fried chicken. Oh my. Hard to decribe apart from saying that it was nothing like what know of catsup/ketchup. The stew was deconstructed and had some of the most tender beef brisket I’ve ever had.
Damn. Great meal and I think we actually learned a lot.
]]>