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George Harrison's Doctor Probed
A doctor being sued by George Harrison's family has been replaced as head of the radiation oncology unit at New York's Staten Island University Hospital. A lawsuit, filed Tuesday by the former Beatle's estate, accuses Dr. Gilbert Lederman of holding Harrison's hand during treatment and forcing him to sign the physician's son's guitar over the weakened musician's protestations.
A similar suit has been filed involving a hospital orderly assigned to Harrison and a handjob.

Ted Nugent Injured in Chainsaw Accident
Ted Nugent was injured on the Texas set of his reality show when a chain saw cut through his leg.

The outspoken rocker, outdoors enthusiast and star of the VH1 series "Surviving Nugent: The Ted Commandments," required 40 stitches to close the cut in his leg on Sunday. Nugent stated it was the only gash he's had since opening for KISS on their West Coast tour of the US in late 2003.

Rapper Camoflauge Shot And Killed
Georgia-based rapper Camoflauge was shot and killed on Monday, as he walked in front of his label, Pure Pain Records, in Savannah, Georgia. It is unclear why the 21-year old rapper called himself Camoflauge.

Townshend Cleared in Child Porn Case
London authorities announced Wednesday that the Who mastermind Pete Townshend, busted in January during a high-profile Internet kiddie-porn sting, would not face any criminal charges. Townshend admitted to visiting a child porn site, saying he had done it while researching an upcoming autobiography, which he is currently scrambling to begin.

Evanescence Album Pulled From Christian Distribution
The Christian distribution arm of Zomba Records, says it will no longer handle act Evanescence for the Christian retail market. The move follows published reports in which the band used profanity and made clear that it does not want to be known as a Christian act. Christian music fans everywhere were crushed to learn that they can no longer claim a band as their own that doesn't totally suck.

Stones Cancel Hong Kong Shows
The lethal pneumonia outbreak in Southeast Asia has forced the Rolling Stones to postpone two concerts scheduled for this weekend in Hong Kong. Although this would have marked the first Stones performance in Hong Kong, their fans have been catching diseases at their shows for 30 years.

Surviving Grateful Dead Members to be Called The Dead
With a Valentine's Day benefit concert at San Francisco's Warfield Theatre, the Other Ones (containing surviving members of The Grateful Dead) will abandon their name in favor of what their fans call them anyway: the Dead. In related news, the newly re-formed Doors have followed suit and now will be known as A Fucking Joke.

Kelly Osbourne Cancels U.K. Awards Show Gig
Kelly Osbourne recently canceled a planned performance at the NME Awards in the U.K., citing her fears of a possible terrorist attack on London while she was there.

According to sources, the Osbourne prefered the seclusion and anonymity of her secret family home.

Silverchair's Daniel Johns & Natalie Imbruglia To Wed
Silverchair singer Daniel Johns and girlfriend Natalie Imbruglia are tying the knot, according to a recent announcement. The couple have yet to set a date for the nuptials, and have yet to realize that nobody gives a shit, let alone remembers who they are or what they sang.

Coldplay To Donate A Tenth Of All Earnings To Charity
Coldplay plans to donate a tenth of its earnings to charity, according to reports by several British publications.

The English band has established a designated bank account for 10 per cent of all its royalties from record sales, merchandise, and concert receipts, with the distribution of funds marked for charities chosen by the band, which is fronted by Gwenyth Paltrow's latest flame, Chris Martin. When asked to comment, the other three guys stated they had not heard about any band charity donation thing.

John Mayer Thrilled With Grammy Nod
John Mayer was nominated for best new artist, and his song, "Your Body Is A Wonderland," was nominated for best male pop vocal performance for the 45th Annual Grammy Awards.

Mayer stated that he had tremendous respect for the Grammys. "It's kind of like the archetype for all awards," said Mayer.

Mayer seemingly failed to notice that Korn, Slipknot, Bowling For Soup, Godsmack, and Fat Joe all received nominations.

Toad The Wet Sprocket Reunion Tour
Alternative rock quartet Toad The Wet Sprocket has solidified its 24-date U.S. reunion tour, set to kick off Feb. 4 in Anaheim, Calif. The group promises to play their hit "Walk On The Water" first, last, and as an encore, or else refund audience members their six dollars.

Bon Jovi Plane Makes Emergency Landing
An airplane carrying Jon Bon Jovi was forced to make an emergency landing on Monday, after an engine failed en route from Los Angeles to New York.

According to passengers on the flight, a loud bang was heard and then a flame shot out from one of the Qantas aircraft's Rolls-Royce jet engines.

Although the cause has not been determined, experts believe the explosion may have been brought on by crossing the '1 million faces rocked' mark while in flight.

Moby Assaulted Outside Boston Nightclub
Moby was assaulted by three men outside Boston's Paradise Club after having performed there Wednesday. Boston police grew increasingly puzzled by the incident after learning that the victim was neither black, gay, a priest, or wearing a Yankees hat.

Nickelback, Kid Rock, Pantera To Record Elton Classic
Nickelback has joined forces with Kid Rock and Pantera guitarist Dimebag Darrell to record a version of Elton John's "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting." At press time, it was unclear as to exactly how the macho rockers missed the news that Elton John was gay.

George Michael Sued By Undercover Cop
The Californian undercover policeman who four years ago arrested George Michael for exposing himself has been given the go-ahead to sue the singer for $10m for alleged slander. The policeman claims that he suffered emotional distress as a result of Michael's claims on television that the officer exposed himself and made masturbatory gestures during their encounter in a public lavatory in a Beverly Hills park in 1998. Before Michael's comments, the plaintiff explained, muscular men with moustaches wearing cop uniforms had never appeared gay.