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April.13.2004 : Tuesday
 Neill Cumpston: Greatest Reviewer of ALL TIME.
This man deserves more awards than God. His movie reviews kick ass with a boot made of burning meat.

Check it:

HOBBIT-MAN: THE KING RETURNS

BLADE II

DAWN OF THE DEAD and PASSION OF THE CHRIST

X-MEN 2

MATRIX RELOADED
» david w  · 13:19 comments [10] 


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eve   4/13/2004 14:28
"the movie kicks ass with a boot made of burning meat". nice..

:r   4/13/2004 14:29
i am literally "laughing out loud". I shit you not.
It’s also, thank fucking God, LOUD. Even if you bring an iPod so you can listen to VH during the Elf parts you’ll take it off because I swear to fucking Roth you do NOT know where the next big bang is going to come from


:r   4/13/2004 14:31
sorry. this is just too good
And he LET her go because this movie kicks so much ass you can SENSE it even before it starts. And this chick was a stone fox, and he probably could have made out with her, but he was like, “I’m going make out with this movie,” that’s how good it is. See ya, hottie.


:r   4/13/2004 14:48
i am reading the matrix II review...

HERE’S WHERE I WISH THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ONLY HAD THE WORDS “HOLY” “FUCKING” AND “SHIT”

ASS-KICKING #4 – 28: That’s right, this next scene feels like 24 ass-kickings. Seriously, the rest of the summer is going to suck busboy cock for ketchup packets compared to this scene.


lisa   4/13/2004 15:05
"also there’s some shit with the elves that’s like being in a fucking candle store for twenty minutes"

jc on a cross!   4/13/2004 15:21
"then here comes the blow job. Thank you, Jesus."

nc   4/13/2004 16:23
But the movie is only doing this to set up the BATTLE OF SHIT-YOUR-PANTS, which isn’t the actual name of the battle but SHOULD be because you will shit stuff you did not eat when you see it.

can't get enough   4/13/2004 16:25
"Jim-Jammity Jesus Krispy Kreme Christ on a twat-rocket, this movie blew me apart and put me back together only after I’d got put back I felt like I had thirteen dicks and they’d all gotten blown by a surfer chick with 26 heads (2 mouths on each cock). I will see it ten times and if I see Star Wars George or that gay Batman director butt-hole any time during the ten screenings here comes Mr. Punch. "



liz   4/13/2004 20:01
"This movie will make you forget that if you stick a knife in your belly you’ll bleed to death so do not bring a knife to this movie. "

hilarious


:r   4/13/2004 23:05
ding ding.. david.. your post wins!




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2020 Re-runs
 "Hi. I'm David Cross."
 All the Carpets of the Airports
 By the time I get to Arizona
 Matt Bevin is an Idiot
 Get your De La Soul today!
 In fact, they are "like a newlywed couple every day," says Jim Bob.
 Yelp Reviews Read by Bill Kurtis
 This Door is Awesome
 "What the f**k? You guys have a Shake Shack here?"
 8-foot tall traffic control robots