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bio: chris

first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

This goes all the way back to my Freshman year of college. It was October, and I had only been there for about a month or so. My roommate at and I had just returned from having dinner with Kid N' Play (those guys can down margaritas, let me tell you!) and everyone's just kinda hangin' out in or dorm floor hallway.

Next door to me lives this girl named Lauren. Lauren's tall -- well, taller than me, anyway -- very well-spoken, very prim and proper. And after a month of living next door to her, I had developed this massive crush on her.

Well,we're all hanging out. Lauren's talking. Now, I was a theater major, so I had to take all sorts of voice/speech/diction classes... and I was amazed at how clearly Lauren spoke. Being one who studies this sort of thing, I thought it might be nice to commend her on this.
I turn to her and attempt to say "Lauren, you have such good diction."

That is NOT what I said.

Somehow, whether it was nerves, whether it was the margaritas I drank with Kid N' Play -- or the fact that I was drinking margaritas with Kid and f'n PLAY of all people! -- who knows what it was. My diction was NOT what hers was... and so what actually came out was

"Lauren, you suck good dick."

We all laughed fora good 15 minutes or so. I never went out with Lauren. (Surprise surprise.) But now I have that story. And whenever I'm in need of a smile, I always look back on that and laugh.

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