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Nate's Halloween History
I dressed as a woman. A large woman.

I cut three holes in a sheet, poured some blood on the ghosty crotch region and went as a menstrually challenged ghost. Obviously, a version of a woman.

Running in a new direction, I dressed as a man with dred locks smoking a joint as big as my wrist.

Let's just call this year's outfit "Gorilla Mask with Izod Shirt" and leave it at that.

I woke up in my dorm room the morning after Halloween with a copy of The Daily Tarheel slid under my door. On the front page was a picture of me standing on Franklin Street in front of the Nation's Bank building wearing a diaper with a huge bonnet on my head clutching a stuffed teddy bear and a lollipop.

My decision to bring a chainsaw with a 22" bar on it pays off! I removed the chain and stashed a can of mixed fuel on Rosemary Street. I wore a trench coat to hide the saw when I was walking. Just when I thought I was surrounded by the most Halloweeners, I cranked up the saw and suddenly found myself standing all alone in the middle of the street. Alone, except for the two really authentically dressed policemen headed my way.

Combining the previous two years' costumes I was Baby with Chainsaw.

I was Bruce Willis. Hard to imagine? Yes.

Take one 8 " x 11" piece of brightly colored paper, roll it carefully into a cone and secure the cone with tape so it will not unravel. Tie the cone to your head with elastic banding. Voila! Cone Nose.

I dressed as a Cro-Magnon Man carrying a large club and went as "Rogaine, first male pattern baldness sufferer."

Skip a few years...

Trench coat, white underwear around my ankles, orthopaedic shoes, vacant stare.

Billy Bob Teeth, striped bib overalls, bad breath, repeat the vacant stare.

My costume cost $5 plus batteries. I'll send pictures on Monday.