Anne has a new lawnmower. I have a new bike. Well, not new. It's definitely used. A friend of mine gave it to me so he wouldn't have to move it to his new apartment. I've had it for a month or more and have only ridden it once.
On that day, I started drinking cans of PBR around one in the afternoon. It was sunny and nice and I had company, music, outdoor furniture and plenty of beer. I drank approximately ten beers (not counting, but the two of us split 19) and then my friend went home; leaving me drunk and not even close to being done with my day. So of course -- my new bike!!
Now, I haven't ridden a bike in over ten years and probably smoked two packs of Marlboros with my beer. Did that stop me? No. I put on my new/used helmet which came with the bike (more for novelty than safety, since I had never worn a bike helmet before) and headed out into town.
Lexington, VA is a very hilly town. I was very drunk and easily winded. I would pay money to get a video of me swerving downhill, completely unable to ride in a straight line. I would also pay money to suppress any videos of what happened as soon as the downhill ended and the uphill started. I made it about 15 yards before the pushing began. I pushed until I got my breath back, then rode shortly again before pushing the bike to another downhill route. It was more like sledding than biking. If only I had been able to figure out the gears.
Now, it sits in my kitchen taunting me whenever I cook or wash dishes. It laughs when I make my third pot of coffee of the day or when I grab the peanut butter that I use as dip for my carrot sticks. I hope I have it in me to ride it before it gets too hot.