from happyrobot - updated 6/9/2026 4:21:58 PM https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp en-us https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2422 Matt,

This will be the last letter from Pat. I am officially ceasing all aggressive words or deeds directed at your balls.

I will no longer be writing to you concerning my meals or my exercise routine.

I am no longer going to seek the support of other nations in my quest for vengeance.

No more letters.

Good bye.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2414 Matt,

It was another Army weekend, so I won't go into too much detail. Here's the bottom line.

In the past four days:
I got a total of about twelve hours of sleep.
I drove approximately 600 miles.
Was in the car for twelve hours.
At least 300 pushups
at least 200 crunches
at least 200 flutter kicks
Swam 40 meters in full gear with weapon
was pushed off a high dive in full gear with weapon, blindfolded
marched at least ten miles
disassembled an M16A2 Rifle in less than a minute
Reassembled an M16A2 Rifle in less than two minutes

Ate three meals a day of various Army foods.

Lost 4 pounds.

Pat

]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2413 Matt

You see – there is nothing wrong with kicking someone in the balls. Thank you for finally admitting this, Matt. Good for you.

I’ll meet you on the corner of 23rd and Broadway, where I will administer your just desserts.

Pat

-----Original Message-----
From: Matt
Sent: Monday, September 23, 2002 7:54 AM
To: Pat
Subject: ha

http://www.choppingblock.org/d/20020923.html
]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2402 Matt,

Tuesday, September 17th

Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - nothing
Dinner - brocolli and asparagus over brown rice.

Todays weight: 209

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2397 Matt,

I had a strange dream last night.

I was working for a woman in her pastry shop. The strange part was that the woman was some kind of undead zombie, and all her customers were zombies as well. I was the only living person in that section of town. But you know, they didn't descriminate, they treated my just like I was one of them. It was very nice. I think the undead have gotten the short end of the stick throughout history.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2396 Matt,

I was in Vegas all last week, and didn't have time to write you. I'm very sorry. I'll give you a brief synopsis of the whole adventure, using the forum with which I am most familiar.


Monday, September 9th.
breakfast - nothing
Lunch - some kind of mexican food.
Dinner - all you can eat buffet at Harrahs hotel.

Tuesday, September 10th.
Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - Hamburger and bad fries
Dinner - steak at the WB in the Venetian Hotel

Wednesday, September 11th
Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - chicken sandwich
Dinner - I can't remember where I ate dinner, but i bet it was good...

Thursday, September 12th
Breakfast - danish
Lunch - nothing
Dinner - Chinese food at the Royal Grill in the Venetian Hotel

Friday, September 13th
Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - pasta salad
Dinner - Filet Mignon at the Palm restaurant in Caesars Palace

Saturday, September 14th
Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - one hot dog
Dinner - A bad burrito, and yard long margirita at a mexican restaurant in the Aladin.

Sunday, September 15th
Breakfast - poached eggs and potatoes
Lunch - chicken sandwich in a restaurant in Mandalay Bay
Dinner - Chicken Pad Thai in a Wolfgang Puck restaurant in the MGM Grand

Monday, September 16th
Breakfast - muffin.
Lunch - nothing
Dinner - roasted chicken in New Jersey

Todays weight - 210 lbs.

Pat
]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2358 Matt,

Why don't you just give up? You can't win.
Get yourself a job, then hire me.
End this.
The world is rallying behind my cause - there is no shame in admitting defeat.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2357 Matt,

I will be in Vegas all of next week, at a ball kicking conference.

Just thought I would let you.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2356 Matt,

Thursday, September 5th

Breakfast - nada
Lunch - grilled chicken, steamed vegetables, sauteed mushrooms, one vegetable spring roll
Dinner - cous-cous

PT:
two sets of 30 pushups
45 situps
15 minutes weight training with dumbells
20 minutes of aerobic martial arts
10 minutes (crunches, flutter kicks, bicycle kicks)

Todays weight: 210

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2350 Matt,

Your balls - I will kick them.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2349 Matt,

Wednesday, September 4th

Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - veggie burger
Dinner - half of a cake

PT = none
Todays weight: 210

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2346 Matt,

Okay, it's count down time. On November 1st I am off to basic training where I will become a killing machine.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2343 Matt,

The Germans think I should kick you in the balls, and I tend to agree.

Even though Rich tells me he's "Got your back" I think all of Germany will be able to subdue Mr. Robot while I do what has to be done.

I'm currently working on bringing more Asian countries to my side.

I'll let you know how that works out.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2342 Matt,

Friday, August 30th

Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - vegetable fried rice, teryaki chicken
Dinner - nothing

Saturday, August 31st

Breakfast - bagel with creamcheese
Lunch - nothing
Dinner - grilled steak, I think string beans...
Dessert - cheesecake

Sunday, September 1st

Breakfast - a piece of cheesecake
Lunch - nothing
Dinner - roasted chicken, roasted potatoes, wild rice, roast beef, string beans.
Dessert - wedding cake

Monday, September 2nd

Breakfast - two eggs, three slices of bacon
Lunch - chourice pizza (chourice is kind of portugese sausage, very popular in Rhode Island)
Dinner - Cajun Style meatloaf and mashed potatoes. - stuffed Quahog (a Quahog is a kind of clam found in Rhode Island)
Dessert - more of that cheesecake

Tuesday, September 3rd

Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - Sesame chicken over brown rice
Dinner - nothing

I did not work out at all over labor day weekend. I was supposed to run with all my brothers, but it rained, and we never did it.

Actually, I did use my younger brothers new weight machine.

about 20 leg presses (100lbs)
about 15 of what the machine calls arm presses (80 lbs)
and about 15 minutes of assorted exercises.
I also showed my brother how to do crunches, so i did about 20 crunches.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2333 Matt (who is not a gay pianist)

Thursday, August 29th

Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - teryacki chicken, steamed vegetables
Dinner - roasted chicken, stuffing, mashed potatos.

No PT at all.

Todays weight : 207

Pat (who is not gay)]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2332 Germany,

In case you're a litte confused about recent publications:


I'M NOT GAY!

and neither is Matt Johnson,

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2328 Matt,

Seriously, why would you hire Andrew over me?

It doesn't make any sense.

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2326 Matt,

Wednesday, August 28th

Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - 4 ounces of chicken and broccoli, 3 ounces of steamed vegetables, 4 ounces of sesame chicken, one vegetable spring roll.
Dinner - on silced turkey sandwich on white bread, with low fat mayo

4 sets of 30 pushups, with a two minute rest in between sets
3 minutes of slow motion pushups (5 seconds up, 5 seconds down - although there was a lot more up than down)

Todays weight: 205

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2324 Matt,

Tuesday, August 27th.

Breakfast - nothing
Lunch - pulled pork sandwich
dinner - turkey on white with low fat mayo (tastes just like the real thing)

35 situps
35 pushups
(the best I could muster for yesterday)

Todays weight: 207 (?)

Pat]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/letters_from_pat.asp?id=2317 Matt,

Do you really think coming home early is going to save you? I know what you're up to. You're going to team up with your good friend Raj, and try to ambush me when I come a kickin'. It's not going to happen Mr. Johnson. No sir.

You were able to avoid my elite ball kicking agent, John "the shoe" Lawton. He reported that you used some sort of Matadore trick on him, swining a red cape and yelling "OLE"
I will be ready for that trick. It won't work twice.

I'm waiting for you Matt Johnson.

Pat]]>