from happyrobot - updated 6/9/2026 11:59:01 AM https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp en-us https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=9412 I'm actually resurrecting my long-dead column here merely to post this ridiculous image. It's the cover of the current Postal Record Monthly, and I know this only because I saw it lying in the pile of "too big for your mailboxes" stuff for my building. So I quickly brought it in, scanned it, and put it back out there.

Don't know why, but I just love the cover art. Probably because I don't have any solid idea as to what the gist of it is supposed to be. I'd love to hear your interpretation of what's being implied with this cover, though.

Contest, anyone? And Happy Gnu Ears!




]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=8888 ]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=8864 Let me ask you somethin'...what time of the day do you like to make love?
I usually like to process love in the afternoon when my child is asleep and I am not sleepy.

Have you ever made love just before breakfast?
Just before breakfast? Hell, the love WAS breakfast.

Have you ever made love while you watched the late, late show?
No, but I made soup.

Well, let me ask you this, have you ever made love on a couch?
I got you beat. I made love TO a couch. An ottoman, to be exact. And when I was 5 years old, no less.

Well, let me ask you this. Have you ever made love on the back seat of a car?
Damn as hell I did! In a church parking lot. Though I preferrred to think of it as a 'porking lot'...if you follow my meaning.]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=8681 I was talking to my dad recently and at one point the subject turned to our precious time spent together in the organization known as Indian Guides. It's funny how, when I think back on it now... it was basically an excuse for kids to pre-occupy themselves with each other while their dads pre-occupied themselves with each other and drank beer. It's wild to look at the image below and realize, "Wow, I'm now in the same age group as that buncha guys".



Of course, as Indian guides, we tried very hard to get the Native American experience down pat. For example, we took Indian names. I was Tonto to my dad's Kemosabe. And our outfits, too, reflected the colorful spirit of Indian dress...



You should see that get-up once we added some yellow fringe down the outer edges of the blue jeans. It really made the outfit SNAP.

Another great aspect of being in this bunch was when we'd have "meetings" at a certain tribe member's house to discuss stuff, which again, meant all the kids raided the toy box of whoever's house we were at, while the dads shot shit and drank beer. I actually still have the minutes from one of these meetings, and it reads thus...


]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=6433 This morning on our wonderfully cheesy local news channel (New York 1) a reporter who used to be a heavy metal DJ was doing a remote segment in a neighborhood that's become overrun with parrots. This in itself was amusing as hell, but then he wraps up with, "You don't have to be a pirate to enjoy the parrots", followed by an explanation of his little wisecrack to the main anchor at the news desk. "You know how in those old movies the pirates always have a parrot on their shoulder...", which he then mimicks, saying "Polly wanna cracker!" in classic parrot voice.

The anchor at the news desk responds, "I totally got it", and goes on to his next story, which happened to be the latest London transit mayhem. They switched to dramatic live security camera shots of London streets, showing us firsthand the British masses walking around and cars going up and down the roads.

Thank goodness for TeeVision.]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=6340 So last night the wife and I had our first night out since having el baby. The all-important and often excrutiating First Night With a Babysitter outing. We went to go see the musical Spamalot. I had gotten tickets as payment for some work I did for a guy with 'connections' in that biz. We had no idea what kind of seats we got until we arrived, and they were beauts! Row C, right in the middle! The thing is, Reba has been feeling a little sick lately, and she wanted to sit nearer to the aisle if at all possible, to allow for easy bathroom access should the need arise. So we asked the couple who were sitting at the aisle seats in our row. After a beat of discussion they said sure and we switched seats, and all was well.

The show itself was alot better than I expected. I was afraid it would just come across as 'scenes from Monty Python & the Holy Grail LIVE!' But there was enough new stuff in there to make it worthwhile and enjoyable. The vibe of the crowd and the undeniable fun of the material also helped quite a bit.

So, the show is getting near the end, and we're at the bit after the killer rabbit (Kair Bannog for you enthusiasts). In the film they come across an inscription on a cave wall and try to decipher it. In the play this moment involves a large rock with an inscription on it. The inscription appears to read "CIOI". They bicker and discuss what it might mean. Eventually they realize it might be partially numerals, "C101". I then realize this is Reba's seat number, Row C, seat 101. Then the cast makes the same 'realization' and one of them (Patsy, Arthur's loyal assistant) comes down and addresses Reba in her seat. "Will you stand up, please?". Reba does, as the guy reaches underneath and pulls the grail out from underneath! At this moment I think about the fact we switched these seats with someone else. I look over at them in OUR original mid-row seats, and the woman is shouting at me, "Those are OUR seats!". To make things worse, Patsy now takes Reba up on stage! The cast congratulate her for helping them find the grail, ask her name, and then sing a big song of praise with HER NAME in it! Here's the entire frikkin' cast of Spamalot singing my wife's name at top volume! Again, I look over at the people who were SUPPOSED to be in our seats, and they seem livid. I do my best to convey that we had no idea while simultaneously trying to enjoy my wife's big moment on a Broadway stage.

Then...THEN...they get her to pose with them for a Polaroid of her with the cast! It's the ultimate pairing of "This couldn't get any better" and "This couldn't get any worse" at the same time! Speaking of which, they go on to give her an award for Best Peasant in New York City, along with the Polaroid. Reba does a great little curtsy as the crowd laughs and the show goes to a rollicking finish.

The cast takes it's bow, the audience starts to file out, and the time comes to face the poor couple whose glory we inadvertently took for our own. The coincidence of it all is SO damn particular that it's really hard to convince them we had no idea this was going to happen. The woman seems somewhat convinced, but her male companion is having none of it. "I don't know, I still don't believe you", he says at one point, followed later by, "You looked fine up there to me", a stab at Reba saying she wanted the seat because she felt sick, which WAS completely true. We also find out the couple was visiting from Ohio, AND it was his birthday, which certainly doesn't help. I think it was at this point that I suddenly felt like Larry David. In an attempt to prove that our motives were just, we offered them the award, which was basically a little 4-inch statuette of a foot, with a plaque that read "Best Peasant in New York City" or something to that effect. They reluctantly accepted. But we kept the Polaroid, dammit (blurry though it is)...



Eventually we just hit the point where you say, "screw it, nothing can be done about it now" and part ways.

Reba's little moment of fame continues on the subway ride home, as a fellow passenger in the same car comes up to her and says, "Hey, you were just in Spamelot tonight, weren't you? That looked like it musta been SO much fun up there...and I loved your little curtsy". We then tell her the story of how we displaced the proper seat occupants and she, too is amazed at the odds. Speaking of odds, later in our conversation with this woman on the train, I come to find out she was born in the same hospital as me...in Dayton Ohio! Kooky!

So that's it, the story of the first night we used a babysitter.]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=6269 My main criteria was that they had to be albums wherein I know EVERY song, back to front, and not just key tracks...

1. Jellyfish- Bellybutton
2. Mr. Bungle- ST
3. Squeeze- Play
4. Brian Wilson- SMiLE
5. The Posies- Dear 23
6. The Grays- Ro Sham Bo
7. Jason Falkner- ...presents Author Unknown
8. Sloan- Between the Bridges
9. Joe Jackson- Blaze of Glory
10. Aimee Mann- Whatever
11. The Honeydogs- Here's Luck
12. Imperial Drag- ST
13. Crowded House- Woodface
14. Midnight Oil- Redneck Wonderland
15. dada- ST
16. They Might Be Giants- John Henry
17. The Pursuit of Happiness- The Wonderful World Of...
18. XTC- Oranges & Lemons
19. Ben Folds- Rockin' the Suburbs
20. Spiraling- Transmitter

]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=6158
(aka "One Cingular Sensation')


First off, this is one of those things where I had it all typed out, then my computer crashed. It was a little better the first time. Now I'm just re-hashing it to the best of my memory.

So this past weekend reba (the wife) and I decided to take the baby into hot, steamy Manhattan for some errands ahoy. While the missus was getting her hairs did and I watched the baby, I decided to make a few calls on my cellular phone device machine...or so I thought. The little window on the outside of my phone said NO SERVICE, while the big inner window clarified the condition further with the message UNREGISTERED SIM. Hmm. Out of curiosity I used reba's phone to try calling mine to see what would happen.

Someone ELSE answered my phone, which was still sitting in my lap...

"Hello?"

"Oh, hi...I'm trying to call 917-my-phone-number. Is this the right number?"

"Oh, no. This is 917-your-phone-number-with-one-digit-different"

"Oh...um,okay...thanks?"

Stee-range. We get home and I call up the friendly folks in the Cingular customer support mountain hideaway. Today I get the 18 year-old girl from Long Island. When I tell her what's up, she says...

"Oh mah gaawhd! Oh no they di-int! You know wah hah-peen? Someone at da store musta accidentally put your number on someone else's phone...ohmahgwaaahd!"

At this point she's freaking out way more than I am. I inquire as to what hah-peens now. Sadly, it cannot be fixed o'er the phone, so I have to venture to one of the dismal Cingular phone huts in the city and get my SIM card replaced, "...but don't wuhvy, ah puht a thing that says you don't gotta pay foh eet, cos normally those are like twenny dollahs". Then she adds, "And guess what, when you get your phone fixed, it'll make the other guy's phone quit workin' just like yours did!" Oh boy! Just what I wanted! Sweet revenge on the guy who had nothing to do with it! Thanks! I decided to call the guy with my number and alert him to what was going on. He sounded appreciative, but he also sounded like he thought I was trying to scam him somehow. I wonder how I'd react if someone called me and said I have to take my phone in to get looked at because I accidentally have the person on the other end's number. Wasn't this a Twilight Zone?

So this is where my story runs outta steam. No hellacious stories of frustrating and crazed attempts to get my phone back the way it was. I just had to wait in an annoying line for a while. They fixed it and off I went. However my phone account appears to have been zeroed out as if I just got the account! I'll have to call and see what that's all about, ah-vight?

But while I'm on the subject, the funny thing is that, back when the missus and I bought these phones, we were halfway across town when reba starts getting all these random calls for someone whose name is NOT reba. Long story short, the same thing happened to HER phone right when we got it! We went back to the store only to find that another lady who was buying a phone at the same time wound up with reba's number in her phone and vice versa.

Just trying to write this in a non-confusing way is making my head hurt.

]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=6078 This morning I looked out a window and saw a blimp flying low over Manhattan. This got me thinking...

Terrorists seize control of a blimp and attempt to fly it into a building. The overpowered crew of the blimp sit idly by, tied to chairs, occasionally looking at their watches. The blimp moves awfully slow as the terrorists shout and scream their final vengeful words...

"DEATH TO THE AMERICANS!!!"

The blimp makes contact and bounces away with a mild THOOMP. They make a few more goes at it, but no progress. The angle of the blimp keeps pitching wildly. One second it's nose down. Moments later it's way-up. All the while the little blimp propellers are speeding up and slowing down as they try to keep the blimp steady.

"ALLAH IS GREAT!!! DEATH TO THE AMERICANS AGAIN!!!"

...thoomp...

Meanwhile inside the building, the occupants gather with their morning coffee, anxious to watch the happenings outside their respective windows. We see the terrorist pilot lean his head out of the gondola. He's decided to try and back up the blimp against the building, in the hopes the propellers will at least break a window or something. He can be seen looking over his shoulder to see how he's doing.

That's all I got.

]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=6069 I mean really. I have a perfectly good column space here (with a lovely picture of me dressed as a robot in the company of a redneck with his hand on his fellas) that I've been neglecting for a long long time now. I guess I just ran out of things that seemed interesting to say. I'll try to get back on it. I just had a kid, after all. That oughta be worth SOME kind of anecdotal wackiness. And what's more, my work deals heavily with the advertising industry, which in itself contains a thousand stories of human oddity and stupidity. I have no excuse.

I'll try to do better.

Watch this be my last column for yet another 2 years.

]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=4752 There are alot of young idealistic folks out there trying to make sure that all American citizens make it to the polls this year. And that's just fine. People need to exercise their right, despite the shitty choices.

However, I learned a fun game you can play whenever you're accosted by obviously liberal folks on the street pushing the whole "GET OUT AND VOTE" routine. Go ahead and stop and let them talk to you all they want. Put your hand on your chin to indicate deep thought, looking towards the sky as you do so. Then, having visibly reached a new sense of enlightenment, turn to the lad/lass and say, "Hey man, thanks alot. You've opened my eyes to the importance of my singular voice. I WILL go out and cast my vote for Bush on November 2nd!", then keep your eyes on their face and wait for the magnificent festering.

I guess my point is, why don't they just go ahead and say "Get out n' vote for Kerry!" (or Bush if there happen to be any Bush-minded activists out there, but I haven't seen any yet). I know, I know, that's not the important part. What's important is that they vote, period.

Still, I can't help but wonder if these folks ever think about the possibility that they're rounding up people against their man.

But whatever. It's all good. As I said, just a thought.
]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=4746 This morning on a local news channel, I overheard (as opposed to simply heard) an anchor comparing the vice-presidential debates to a decent opening act at a metal concert. He said, "Even though everyone came to see Motley Crue, they're also pretty excited to see opening act Whitesnake".

I thought that was pretty damn alright.

Also, last night I heard a comedian mention that New York City is the only place where, more often than not, you'll find yourself waiting in line...to use a stairway.

Yup.


]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=4539 Saw it the other night.
Came out of it in a state of shock... cos I was so mad at the audience. I wanted to just stand up and ask them exactly what they were laughing at at certain moments. Boy, does Moore make some cheap shots.

The opening montage showing Bush, Rice etc. as they're having make-up applied is presented in ominous slow-motion, with very serious acoustic guitar playing minor arpeggios underneath. The implied tone is "Look at them, concerned with their own vanity in the face of all the horrible things they're doing". Truth is, EVERYONE gets made up before they appear on TV. I think that fact was lost on the audience, who fell for it hook, line and stinker. Just like they fell for the obvious cheap shots of Bush playing golf while espousing remarks about terrorism and then returning to his golf game. I think people prefer to believe that Bush is somehow skipping an important meeting as opposed to being hounded by journalists on his downtime. I could go on...

And, in speaking of Iraq, to flat out say that we waged war with a "sovereign nation that has never, once EVER hurt, tried to hurt or has even thought about hurting any American citizen" on top of a montage of Iraqi children playing games and other pastoral scenes just made me laugh. Mind you no one else did.

I will say the movie had some powerful moments, but they tended to occur when Moore wasn't talking, but instead when presenting footage that spoke for itself, given to him by war cameramen. Footage of American soldiers and Iraqi citizens blown to pieces, or blown apart but still alive, etc. And amazing commentary from our soldiers about what they do to get pumped up before they begin an attack, which mostly involves listening to rock CDs at top volume to get them 'in the mood' for kicking ass. Or in just following two Marine recruiters as they hunt down all the poor kids in a neighborhood to get them to enlist ("You wanna be a musician? You oughta join up!").

I could go on, but I won't.

Best case scenario is that this movie is seen by otherwise politically neutral teenagers, who then decide to go on a quest for more information on what they saw and heard.

Worst case scenario is that all the 'pre-decided' folks and the conspiracy-theory set will see it and applaud and laugh right on cue, and come out feeling all the more self-righteous about their position.

I WILL say this though. Given all possible reasons for going to war, our being in Iraq seems pretty damn lame. THAT I cannot refute.

And now, a special treat: A few additional remarks by my lovely wife Reba, who saw the movie with me and would like to respond/add to my review. Take it Reba!...

I agree that Moore as a filmmaker is not a "true documentarian", as those who loathe him say--I think he doesn't see himself as such either. He's got an obvious agenda, and he's gonna push it. In a petty, childish way, it's nice to see someone on the Left being as obnoxious as the Right usually is. So there, tttthhhppppt! Maybe it's not the best way to attack the Right, but until someone else offers up another way (that, um, works), I'm gonna support Moore for using Fox News-tactics right back at 'em. If that's what people are watching (god help us), and those people might be roused vote against Bush, then stooping to a base and simplistic world view is WORTH IT! Being on the elitist high-horse that so many Left-wingers are on (myself often included) is just not working. Fight fire with fire.

I think you're also not fair to the audience. I think everyone in that theatre understands that one gets made up for TV. It's just that we don't often see our serious, stuffed-shirt leaders being primped and prissed. It is funny. They look ridiculous--especially Condoleeza Rice. If it was a shot of *anyone* who is so as self-important as our pres. & company, it would still be funny. C'mon, let us have a laugh at their expense! I can laugh at Gore and Clinton and the rest of them--why can't I laugh at Bush et. al.?

And don't forget the interviews with soldiers who aren't pumped up, who don't want to be there, who are obviously terrified and angry. That and the shot of the mother who is confronted by the scary wench in DC are incredibly powerful.

There are some tremendous scenes in this movie, though as a movie it...well... it's not a magnificent piece of art. I agree it's propaganda. And knowing that doesn't make me feel self-righteous (you're gonna pay for that, husband), just very, very determined.

But I highly recommend seeing the movie. There is a lot in there to think about, so much that raises frightening questions, serious doubts, and--for me--tremendous anger. I think Moore has succeeding in some classic, effective muck-raking journalism: he stirs it up, now let's see what the public does with it.]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=4126 Is there anything I can do that will convince you NOT to create any more really lame Flash movies to accompany funny songs you've heard somewhere? In most cases the song by itself will be funny enough, thank you, especially if all you're contributing is a character who appears to be singing the song.

But if you feel you must make one of these, please try to do more than just show said character standing there mouthing the words in a rude two-step animation, while their arm goes up and down in front of a guitar whose strings move a little each time.

And for the love of God, please don't do this to any song with laughter built in.

Thank you.

Eric "Dear Penis" Willhelm]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=4064
Perhaps eventually my entries will get longer, but for now, I give you this simple notion...

Whenever you're spending some quality time in a multi-seat public bathroom/restroom (depending on whether you're in there to rest or take a bath), why not make the most of it by shouting, "Someone's in here!" every time a anyone tries to enter. It'll create a treasure trove of difficult feelings for the unfortunate 'intruder' as they attempt to figure out whether they were incorrect in their assumption that there's more than one toilet or that you must be a nutbag.

I mean it.]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=4052 So I somehow managed to get through the latter half of last year without anything of particular interest happening or occuring to me or my mind, which means I didn't write squat in this here forum. Hopefully the New Year will change that. So far, though, the only thing I have to talk about is this...(and it's not even an original thought...it was given to me from one Matt Johnson, but I've been angrily pondering it ever since)...

Why didn't Gandalf just put Frodo on one of those eagles and have it drop him off at Mount Doom for a quick and easy disposal of the ring?

If anyone has an explanation for this (either serious or silly) just jot it down in the comments box. I'll take anything. Perhaps Gandalf could only play the 'use eagles to save the day' card twice in a given month or something.

Alright, I'm off to find something more interesting to write about.]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=3548
Caught with a few hours to kill yesterday afternoon, I aimlessly wandered the streets of New York in search of any and all form of amusement. To that end I came across a man dressed as a wedge of cheese. From behind all I saw was the wedge with two very human legs (in jeans) sticking out of the bottom. As I maneuvered 'round in front of it (him? her?) I realized the cheese was an ad for a new grocery chain. The cheese had a mesh vent near his big smiley mouth so the human inside could get fresh air. Another man stood near the cheese. He held the informative leaflets and did all the shouting of praise for the chain. The poor cheese had to be hot. It was quite a muggy afternoon and I could see cheese's posture was giving a little.

Impressive though the cheese suit was, it reminded me of another suit I hadn't seen in quite a while. The giant spaceman. Giant spaceman used to hang out in front of a 3-D movie theater in Times Square. That theater and all the buildings around it were eventually razed and rebuilt into the new Reuters headquarters. Anyway, the giant spaceman stood about 12 feet tall and looked like your basic astronaut, helmet and all. He also had a mesh vent in his chest for the human inside to see and breathe. Still, giant spaceman was just so...puffy. I think he was attached to a fan that kept him inflated. If that fan were to turn off the spaceman would probably crumble under the weight of all that fabric suddenly giving way, much like the 'inflatable funhouse' attraction at most carnivals; the one where all the kids take their shoes off and get in and spend a few hours jumping around til they pass out. I was in one of those things in college, and the fan turned off, causing the entire structure to slowly collapse around us as we struggled to exit via the tiny hole. It was like that Great White concert, minus the fire but plus the fun!

I always wanted to rent the giant spaceman outfit and just walk around in it for no promotional reason other than to promote my love of that silly outfit. If anyone knows where I can find one, please let me know.]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=3487 Watching a news item this morning about the latest in hearing aid technology, I was reminded of a silly thing my father did a few years back. He was getting ready to leave the house, gathering his things and also having a quick snack. He grabbed a handful of Chex Mix and then grabbed his hearing aid with the same hand. At this exact moment I asked him a random question and he answered, during which his brain forgot that he had both snacks AND a hearing aid in the same hand. It was then that he dumped the entire contents of his hand into his mouth and started munching. He would later say that he thought he had encountered a particularly hard piece of pretzel, so he bit down extra hard, consequently destroying his hearing aid. It was in the minutes that followed that I learned ALL ABOUT how expensive those damned things are. Sure, dad was angry, but it was one of those things that was so silly it was hard not to laugh at it.

Later that week, my dad, not one to let such a chance slip by, spent the better part of an afternoon hanging around the house with a pretzel in his ear, waiting for someone to notice. I think my Mom eventually spotted it. A good laugh was had by all, and then dad went on a kill spree. Oh wait, that was someone else's dad (the kill spree part, that is).]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=3450 (stolen from David Letterman, circa 1983, in honor of the late Mr. White)

Camping with Barry White can be a sublime experience, or it can be a nightmare. It depends on your attitude and, frankly, on having the proper equipment. We went to Barry himself for his list of indispensible camping utensils, and this is what he recommended...

Barry:

"When you're looking for a sleeping bag, look for three things: it should be round, it should have a mirrored ceiling attachment, and it should have magic-finger massage action. Not surprisingly, the official Barry White model passes all these tests.

When I lounge around the campsite, I do it like I do everything else - in style, but with a respect for the environment (reveals camouflage pantsuit). These satin lounging pajamas in dappled shades of camouflage blend in beautifully with the surrounding underbrush.

For a truly sensual massage, warm oil is a necessity, but in some campsites, firewood can be scarce (reveals hexagonal bin with mirrored inside walls). That's why I developed this solar massage oil warmer. A few minutes of sunlight will bring you hours of sensuous bliss after dark.

You can't go camping without cooking utensils, but there's no law that says they can't be stylish (reveals gold mess kit studded with multi-colored diamonds and a finger-sized ring on the bottom). This solid gold mess-kit ring lets my fingers sparkle and also allows me to fry up fish and small game.

(reveals large gold medallion with huge blue diamond in the center)
This gold medallion is more than a handsome piece of jewelry. It's also an ultraviolet bug lamp that zaps mosquitoes with 600 volts of electricity. You look like a million, and your campsite's free of flying insects.

Whether I'm singing on a concert stage or camping in a remote wilderness, I like to create a special atmosphere (reveals army flashlight, the kind with a beam that shines perpendicular to the flashlight body, plus there's a colorwheel in front of the beam). This custom-designed mood flashlight softly bathes even the darkest forest in the rich colors of love.

Being isolated from society is but one of the many benefits of camping. However, in the interest of safety, it's always a good idea to keep a method of communicating with civilation handy. And what better way to make sure your message is heard loud, clear and sensual than with this walkie-talkie with improved bass respone. Safety is always a smart idea, but now it's also a sexy one..."




...Rest in peace Barry. And I pity anyone who onlys knows of you through Ally McBeal...]]> https://www.happyrobot.net/words/teen_news.asp?id=3346 Warning: The following contains a spoiler rating of 2.5 out of 6...

Making fun of the new Matrix movie is probably already like shooting ham in a corndog, er um I mean fish in a barrel or whatever, but damn I just gotta.

Here are just a few quick observations...

1) Rather than build on all the cool stuff from the first one, they merely reference it here. Ex: "Hey Morpheus, remember all the stuff you talked about in the first movie...is that really gonna happen?" Sort of like the latest Star Wars movies. Lucas has an entire universe of new places to show us, but instead he keeps taking us back to the same damn ones we've already seen, just so we can go "Hey, look, it's Tatooine! And everybody I know and love is younger looking! Wow!" Okay, I sort of strayed from my original point here, which is that in both cases, the filmmakers seem to be resting on pre-existing laurels rather than trying to garner up new ones. Does that make sense?

2) Before the movie started I was hit with the gut feeling that I was gonna regret forking over ten clams to this movie; that it would be a succesion of fight scenes held together by a much less interesting plot. By the time the third fight scene came along, I hung my head in my hands. Reba turned to me and, in an attempt to buck up my spirits, said, "Just look at them as beautifully choreographed dance sequences". My first thought was, "But that's the problem, no one fights like this". But again that's beside the point. All that dancing around looks cool. There was of course a sequence where one man is pitted against hundreds of enemies, and of course they only attack one at a time. There's one shot from above where you see these hundreds of guys come pouring in through a door, and it looks so much like a scene from a Warner Bros. cartoon that I just had to make a laugh sound with my mouth hole. But then, FINALLY, in unison, they all just jump on top of our hero in what looks like the ultimate tackle from a football game. Inside I was thinking, "YES! Finally they all attacked at once, and it WORKED!".

3) This just in: The architect of the Matrix is Colonel Sanders.

4) As Mr. Robot pointed out, the music for the fight scenes was hilarious. Right outta Broadway showtune-ville.

5) The revelry scene is a bit nuts. Again I forget exactly who, but someone insightfully pointed out that it looked like a Revlon commercial. All the girls in Zion look like Rae Dawn Chong or Lisa Bonet. Not that there's anything improper with that, just an observation.

6) Audiences aren't moved by much any more. If this movie had come out in the 80's or early 90's, people would be gasping in Terminator 2-style appreciation. Looking at the audience during the most visually "interesting" (and tiresome) chase scene, the audience were just sitting there, placid n' flaccid, as if they were thinking "Okay...that looked cool...what else you got?". We's so jaded!

7) As for the next (and hopefully final) Matrix, wouldn't it be cool if at the very end Keanu wakes up and we see that he is Bill (or Ted, I forget) and it was all just a "way cool dream" he had? He could say something like, "Whoah, that'd make a most excellent movie" before calling Ted (or Bill, I forget) to tell him about it.

Alright, that's all for now.
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