The Wrong Squid from happyrobot - updated 5/23/2013 2:23:48 PM http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp en-us <![CDATA[Frank Bruni has gout]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10413 I hope he doesn't screw up my attempts to cash in.

 ]]> <![CDATA[First Shitty Poem of 2011!]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10363  A Cambridge Man Purse
In a 10, or even 9, point
handwritten font
The grown-ass man's bag
Quietly requests that
I fuck
the rules]]> <![CDATA[Robot gangsta rap never took off]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10313  ]]> <![CDATA[The Future is Now]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10310
]]> <![CDATA[The song that perfectly defined it]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10186 ]]> <![CDATA[Cars]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10184 Fucking in cars
Fucky fuckity fuck
Fucky fuck fuck fuck fuck
Fuckity fuck
in cars



I SURE HOPE TOMORROW'S TOPIC IS "FINGERING IN PEDICABS"
]]> <![CDATA[series of sucky tubes]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10179 the internet is cool because sometimes you meet someone who likes monkey news items as much as you do. Then you find out they have the same birthday as you and they steal your internet birthday thunder.

That actually is like the least sucky thing about the internet.

Happy birthday Rich!

Happy birthday (sick) me!

Happy birthday, birthday monkeys.

I just locked myself outside in my pajamas, but I got back in. The internet had nothing to do with it. Stupid internet.
]]> <![CDATA[Open throat on the open road]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10166 Shumai's (former? how do you refer to it when the band is broken up?) drummer "Frank" had three moods: hungry, sleepy, and whiny (about being hungry or sleepy). On tour, he would fall asleep in the van/car/covered wagon and upon awakening immediately start saying, "I'm hungry" and not stop saying it until we had stopped for food. So it seemed fortuitous that we had pulled off the road in the middle of the night and stayed in a crappy hotel next to an Iron Skillet that offered an all-you-can-eat breakfast bar.

There is all you can eat, and then, as though you are on the guest list, there is all you can eat +1. Guess which one "Frank" had?

As we were driving through Baltimore, I turned to Collin and asked if my eyes looked puffy, as they felt puffy. (I am sure the same conversation took place in KISS' van any number of times). She said "why don't you have 'Frank' rub ice on his balls and give you the 'Arabian goggles'?"

I heard coughing from the backseat. "Frank" was doubled over. Our bass player, Razzle, was playing a handheld video game. "Is he puking?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, not even looking up from the game. Apparently having packed his stomach to capacity, a tiny bit of laughter was all it took to open the floodgates, and there was now a flood of shitty powdered eggs and god knows what else all over the backseat. Do you want me to describe the smell? I didn't think so.

We got off at the next exit and had to drive for at least a half an hour until we found a gas station. (Apparently once you pass through Baltimore proper, it gets real boonie-ish really fast). We got whatever cleaning stuff they had and made "Frank" clean up after himself. Now the (rental) van smelled like puke and chemicals. We drove with the windows open for the next few days.

Now any time we are heading through the Baltimore area I always say, "hey, isn't this where 'Frank' puked?"
]]> <![CDATA[Tree tings]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10156 1. Once in Providence, an Irish guy pulled up next to me and asked directions. My directions were apparently vague enough ("just keep going that way and eventually you'll see something") that it reminded him of a joke. The punchline of which was "keep an eye on my things" which he pronounced as "keep an eye on me tings." It wasn't really funny without his accent.

2. We were driving down the road for a portion of the joke telling. Side by side, blocking traffic. This may have been the least illegal traffic violation taking place at that moment. Providence!

3. I was walking the dog when suddenly nude skydivers began to land all around me. "What's all this then?" I asked one of them. "We're co-ed nude parachuters," he said. "Perhaps you have seen our t-shirts on college campuses."
"I have not," I said.
"Oh. We put the nude in parachNUDEing," he said.
"That isn't even clever," I said. I noticed the dog was sniffing at this parachuters business. "Cold up there?" I asked.

A nude Irish lady floated past. "Keep an eye on me tings," she said.
]]> <![CDATA[My shirt pocket]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=10137 My phone was in my shirt pocket. I picked up the humidifier, and water spilled all over my pants. "Good thing my phone is in my upstairs pocket," I said.
]]> <![CDATA[What's wrong with this billboard?]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=9683

This billboard is in Cambridge, Citgo is from Venezuela. Unless they mean "local" in that there is probably a Citgo somewhere in the area. And of course, the Citgo sign in Kenmore.
]]> <![CDATA[Happy (5 month) Birthday, Babydude!]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=9332
]]> <![CDATA[Now I understand pain]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=9324 I felt nothing as they put in my new filling, but I could still hear the coldplay on the speakers over the drill.
]]> <![CDATA[Get out the vote!]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=9295 I am talking about voting for something that you may actually have an influence over, as Diebold voting machines and the Republicans are not involved. My friend Josh (who is also in our seemingly imaginary new band) is a finalist for a walk-on role for Mad Men. View his video, and then vote.

Also, marvel at how he could also get the role of a wolfman rabbi.

Vote here!
]]> <![CDATA[Baby dude shocker!]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=9217 No, not that kind of shocker, the other kind.



I'm not sure where he picked this up, but I suspect Honky.

Also, here's his Al Bundy impression:



It was a pretty good weekend.
]]> <![CDATA[Baby Dude]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=9171 Sleepy dude:

Angry robot outfit dude:

Happier robot outfit dude:

And not the baby, just the ghostly apparition of toast on our counter.

ALL HAIL GHOST TOAST

]]> <![CDATA[G.D.O.K.]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=9144 Graham Donovan Oberndorf-Kraft. 7 pounds, 13 ounces (mostly head, just like his old man).

Born at 1:58 p.m., May 8th, 2008

]]> <![CDATA[Baby names]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=9005 People keep asking us what we are going to name the baby. We have some ideas, but seem to be a little afraid of committing at this point.

However, the best name we have come up with (which has been vetoed) is Steve "the Impaler."

Followed closely by Steve "the Refrigerator."

Also, any middle name is funny in quotes. I am going to have to get out of comedy name mode at some point, but it's too much fun.
]]> <![CDATA[Nothing stays the same]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=8980 This was one of those things that seemed funny when I thought of it, and by the time I was done I wasn't sure it was ever funny. The Ape Dude and Goatsie get down to one of their favorite songs.


]]> <![CDATA[Emergency Preparedness]]> http://www.happyrobot.net/words/wrong_squid.asp?id=8958 I finally got around to making one of the hundreds of videos I've been meaning to make this weekend. Inspired by a poster I saw on the subway, and the fact that Skunk Baxter now works for the defense department.




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