Where’s my cloak? My friend and I got The Lord of the Rings on pay-per-view the other night. It was good. However, part way through I realized it would be much better if instead of all the elves being these girl-boy Gunnar Nelson looking dudes, some of them were Keeblers. It would probably have been good for the other elves, because there always would have been cookies to eat. Also, I decided it would have been cool if there were a lot of ewoks too, so that when the super-orc things come along, they could just really kill the shit out of a whole mess of ewoks. That would have been very satisfying. I think people would feel a lot differently about ewoks if there had been more horrible ewok deaths in Return of the Jedi. As it is, you see like one die, and you're supposed to go "awwww," because his little friend is bummed, and it's supposed to be tragic and cute at the same time. But if there were ewoks getting blown up all over the screen and beaten to death with hammers and stuff, it would make them easier to take.
And while we're talking about ewoks, I came up with a way to tell if the parts of the newer Stars Wars movies are supposed to be funny or not. I can never tell if George Lucas is joking when he does a lot of his crap (Jar Jar, I'm looking at you). But if he did some dumb thing and then an ewok popped up and played a rim shot on a little ewok drum, I'd understand better.