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as I mentioned, I had zero.zero local network of support/friends when I went through my second Big D. so, it was extra brutal. the same thing had kind of happened to me on THE Big D #1 and both times I find myself making new gal pals (you always think the men are - they can have a break from you and v/v but men are always easier) in new apartments with old insecurities.
This go round. Did I tell you about the gold ring I spontaneously exchanged for a laboradite ring? She and I were tipsy from the neighborhood Rosie's - except I call it Father's Office because it's so the same. All the same. All the same. so we go back to her house which is around the corner from my house, and she does my tarot and then she gives me a ring. I have two rings on my finger - one is platinum and one is gold. I give her the gold one.
I wake up the next morning like a drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO GIVING THAT GIRL MY VALUABLE RING. Why wasn't I wearing some cheap ass ring like hers?
So for weeks, I've been passive aggressively hinting - things like "look, I was tipsy when I gave you that ring. let's go to the pawn shop and sell it and split the money." I've given her two rings since as well. Yet, she will hold on.
I was at her house last night briefly to look at the new rings she bought for the replacement laboradite ring (oh shopping I remember you). I thought surely I would get the band back. She now calls it "our ring" and we'll sell it one day, yet a deal is a deal.
I really was in the error for going back on my gift.
and I feel like a whore, but I suppose my peace has been said.
rings rings rings....
all my life.
I lose so many.
my wedding ring? I didn't even MEAN to throw it in the bay of San Francisco at jack London square but I was gesturing or something and because I had lost so much weight and it was heavy, it flew off my hand into the ocean.
I can't say as I regret it. That one had karma.
this one.
I bought for the value.
my loss.
she berated me last night at Rosie's (I call it that after the Kinsey millhone mysteries A is for Alibi...) and said "I think you've got to live in more abundance and not clench so tightly and allow people to help you."
I replied as I always do.
"I shouldn't even be buying this beer and snack. I am unable to pay my monthly expenses/essentials with my take-home pay. Until I have that managed, it's going to be a challenge to unclench and the tax bill threw me over the edge of overkill..."
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