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See the luck I've had can make a good man turn bad, so please please please let me get what I want - lord knows it would be the millionth time.
Although I would disdain any change on my part due to critics, I would
- irregardless - have turned in a happier note.
Today, I am wearing a pair of french connection pants that Mark got me for my birthday - my 29th birthday. This is the first time I've ever worn them in public. Interestingly, being in crush always makes me lose weight/appetite.
The $7000 mistake I made in not entering a check into quickbooks was OK because I had already told boss that I was paying a credit card near that amount - when in fact I realized I had already paid it. That was good luck.
It is almost Friday, and I think I can coast a bit longer.
My apartment is what it is. I think it will be my biggest designing challenge, and as I won't have a television, I will perhaps write like a bandito. I like the neighborhood.
People who I don't really know (two or three people from my old puppy
playgroup) have called me. Jane must have gotten the word out that I was going through the Big D. This is very kind, and makes me touched.
I emailed about fifty of my nearest and dearest yesterday for help in my panic and anxiety. Three wrote back very sweet things that I am grappling to my heart.
I don't have a pang for the love thing. I have done what I did and been true to myself. Even if it's the crazy wacky full throttle self.
It is me, and if I get rejected, I can always write horrible self-pitying things to you.
Smoking has left me unenthralled as of late. This is good. Perhaps I am on the downswing of it all.
I think I photograph very well (present photo not withstanding). I'm thinking of getting a gig as a student model - going through that route again.
Jane is coming home today, so my mornings will return, and I won't feel so harried and guilty about everything.
Mark really loves me, and I have a glimmer of a hope that we can have a relationship of merit and joy in the future.
Don't get your hopes up, I think I'll be sad really soon.
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