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The Palaver Omnibus
1999-2004


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about...
Palaver is a literary magazine put out by David Willems which collects interesting stories, anecdotes, profiles of friends/relatives, encounters and letters from around the world in bite size chunks


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PALAVER #129

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"No, officer, it wasn't his thumb, it was he penis."
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CONTENTS

- The Stories:

COVERSATION WITH MY LITTLEST BROTHER, ONE HOUR AGO by Alexander Rose

RANDOM ACT OF SENSELESS POOP
by
Michael Gargiulo

I'M BACK
by
Brian Goodman

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COVERSATION WITH MY LITTLEST BROTHER, ONE HOUR AGO



Alex: Happy birthday, Jeremy!

Jeremy: Hi.

A: How does it feel to be seven?

J: Okay.

A: What are you going to do to celebrate?

J: I have to go to Zack's Bar-Mitzvah.

A: Who's Zack?

J: I don't know.

A: Oh.

J: --

A: Did you get any good presents?

J: Not really. I got a Playmobile model what I have to build. And Dad got me a book that we already had in the house and he didn't even bought it.

A: Maybe your grandparents will get you something good.

J: Can I hang up now?

A: What?

J: This is like the never-ending phone call.

A: Um--

J: I'm hugging the phone.

A: You're hugging the phone?

J: Because it means I'm hugging you.

A: Oh! Well, in that case I'll hug the phone, too.

J: Can I hang up now?

A: Sure you can. Have a happy birthday, okay? I love you very much.

J: Me too.


- Alexander Rose


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RANDOM ACT OF SENSELESS POOP


My wife asked me if I ever told you about the time I shit my pants at the mall. I couldn't remember if I did, so here goes. We were at the mall and I farted.
Much to my suprise I shit my pants. I had eaten quite a few eggs so it was more diarrhea then poop. I ran to the bathroom and was extremely disgusted with myself. So disgusted in fact that I took off my shitty underwear and jammed them up the toilet paper dispenser. I figured the next person in that stall would appreciate it.


- Michael Gargiulo


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I'M BACK


I thought of you yesterday when I walked by my neighbors' house. A bunch of stuff is always strewn all over their lawn, so I'm not sure why I noticed what I did. On the sidewalk in front of their house, someone had writen with sidewalk chalk:

I'm
Back
Bitch!

The sidewalk chalk had been flung about ten feet closer to their house, and sort of melded in with the rest of their junk. Two kids, approximately ten years old, who had been watching me from a distance, approached me.

"What are you looking at?," one asked insolently.

"Just this chalk message. Who do you think wrote it?"

They both stared at the message.

One kid said, "I think some dude just got out of jail and now he's back."

"Yeah, maybe..." I looked at the other kid and asked, "Who do you think wrote it?"

"Some bitch who's back!," the kid laughed.

They both rode their bikes away and I stood there for a moment and contemplated if the second kid truly thought the note read:

"I'm back"

-Bitch



- Brian Goodman