Dear Person Who Is About To Vote, Or What I Did During Brain Vacation By Yellow Dog Jason Darden I ride bicycles. I used to ride competitively, but the amount of races I've done has dwindled to a handful since my little girl was born. Bush and Kerry both ride bicycles. George rides a carbon fiber Trek mountain bike. It is a full suspension model and is very nice. He rides on trails that wind around his Texas ranch. He crashed. People who ride mountain bikes do. It's part of it. He got back up and kept riding without worrying about the abrasion on his knee. John Kerry rides on the road. He has a titanium Serotta. It is a very expensive custom made frame and built in the US. But, the parts are made in Japan. There is nothing much he can do about that. Most parts are made in Japan, or Italy. Some are made here, but mostly not. He rides wearing a helmet and has crashed as well. His helmet straps are too loose, but I shouldn't be critical, at least he wears one. I like road bikes. They are sleek and beautiful and steeped in tradition. I like looking at old British bikes with ornate lugs. People drive by and cuss at me and flip me the bird. I like that John may have experienced the same thing and keeps on riding.
I hunt. I hunt quail with my daddy. It's referred to as a gentleman's sport. The hunt involves walking through thickets and briars and marshy areas that border soybean fields. You may cover ten to fifteen miles. The wealthy use special trucks, but my dad and I walk. That's the best part, the walk. You use dogs to locate the birds. They "point", literally, to where the birds are, and then you "flush" them by kicking around in the thicket or tall yellow grass. When they fly, they do so quickly and in every direction. My dad has taught me to only fire on covey's of eight birds or more. The change in farming and the recent drought has diminished the number of birds in North Carolina. My dad belongs to a group called Quail Unlimited. Every spring and summer, after the hunting season, they mobilize and plant vegetation and create habitat that increases the number of birds. You'd think that shooting them doesn't help the quail population,but their worst enemy is huge farming conglomerates and four legged predators. I respect people who don't approve of hunting, but I've returned to it because it gives me a chance to spend time with my dad and be a part of a family tradition. George hunts too. He quail hunts in Texas. He is a pretty good shot. He likes the way quail tastes. John says he hunts. He hunted geese on television. Hunting geese is very much like firing anti-aircraft canons at the Luftwaffe. You sit in the bushes and shoot as they fly by. Some hunters put fake geese in the water and blow little goose calls. I'm a hypocrite, I know, but I don't like this kind of hunting. It doesn't seem honorable to hide from a bird, regardless of how good goose tastes. I could say the same about deer hunting, but I don't want to make any more enemies than I already have.
So when you vote, remember Bush rides an expensive mountain bike made of space age material and Kerry rides a road bike made of space age material. And remember that both hunt, but Bush hunts quail like Jason and his Daddy, and Kerry hunts geese and deer, un like Jason and his Daddy.
And remember that a yellow dog democrat is a democrat who would vote for another democrat,even if that candidate was a yellow dog. Isn't that correct? Am I right about that?