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Stay Tuned to Dog Years!
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That Thing(s) I Was Scared of as a Kid.
Ten First Sentences Heard Upon Emerging from My Time Machine

You Did It To Yourself
Okay, you aren't that sick. I've seen sicker. I've been sicker. If you are dying, it's far too pathetic and slow, and it's quite possible that once you become dehydrated enough to pass out, I will carry you to the truck and drive you to the hospital so that you do not die.
(I won't give you the victory on that one buddy. Die from this? Not close. You can't be the first one out of here.)
Let's play a game. First one who talks is out. Yes, throwing up counts.

You lose.

It's not looking good for you.

Let's change our names.

I will be Sagittarius Blanket and you can be Logo Pivot.
We will use these names at hotels and restaurants.
We will use these names at weddings and during surveys.

I will fill out twenty cards to win a Lexus and when they select my entry, they'll call my house and ask, "May I speak to Sagittarius Blanket?".
And I'll turn my head from the phone, just enough so that it's plain to them, and call,"Sag! Sag!....Sagittarius?".

Why I think it's a great time to be funny. You're just in a bad mood because you're sick.
But you did it to yourself.

Like the guy on That's Incredible who ate the light bulbs. I mean, that was twenty years ago. Let's say that all that glass cut him up inside. What do you say to the doctor? How do you react when the prognosis is poor? You had to know it was coming, if you are a glass eater. You don't eat a giant Hardee's glass with Yosemite Sam painted on it and then poop blood for two days and not know that the piper is going to have to be paid.
Listen to me, I'm doing all of the talking.

Into the bowl, man. Not on the floor. In the bowl. In. The. Bowl. Man.....man.

If I won an award, like a Grammy or an Oscar, dude, I'd blow your damn doors off with the mess I'd pull up on that stage.
And the winner is: SAGITTARIUS AMALGAM CROWBAR !!
(I didn't like the first surname and you are too screwed to remember anyway)

Then, I'd lay it on them man. I'd say some outlandish things. What do you mean, like what? I can't just let that stuff roll on out. Well, because I don't even know what award I just won. Listen, I thought you were sick. Yeah, there we go. Nice little reminder of your condition, huh?
(That'll teach you.)








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post #36
bio: jason
perma-link
2/15/2005
06:22

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