Ho ho ho Happy belated xmas. I cooked, I cleaned, smoked in the pretty backyard. I felt like I was on vacation in some distant place. I feel strange back here in the old abode. Yes, still new man feeling and all that jazz I said a few entries back, but there is something not right in my space and, of course, a few old hangups with little old me. While buzzing about mid morning at my friend place, I was flipping through a book about color in the home. I had forgotton how color jerks your emotions so quickly and the last thing that I read in the book was about how humans are always attracted to sunlight. Sunlight. Something is not right in my little pad here. I guess I need to get to stepping to fix it. Maybe I should start seriously looking for a new apartment with nice new vibes. This apartment has been good to me. I have had some wonderful times here but too many old tricks and freaks keep showing up at my door. I have kick ass friends. I love them so. I need to bring something new to the table. I need to have more things that I am excited about. But, as of late, I just feel tired when I walk through my door. Go outside every day gentle reader. When I first moved in here, I smoked cigarettes on the top landing of the stairs, quickly became friends with many of my surrounding neighbors, and I was just the opposite of shy or gaurded. I think, honestly, and honestly, too, I have been tired from work and such, but I think that I have sort of let myself go a bit lately. Out of shape still, out of touch with the news, still not reading enough, not writing enough, not laughing enough, not loving enough, smoking too much pot, smoking too many cigarettes, not socialing more. Oh vey, I need to take walks after work and see more movies, take more trips, and be around people more and be myself. I need to be happier with myself now. I do live for things to look foward to and I once, not that long ago, enjoyed being by myself a lot. I think I will have even more fun, be even more real, if I would do all of the aforementioned woes in moderation and most certainly ease up on the cigarettes and, of course I must socialize more. I am no spring chicken. Life seems to fly by faster and faster as I get older. I need to enjoy it more while it is here. I should make more of an effort to scare up a siginificant rooster, or hen, really, for a significant relationship. I can't cruise forever. I have not cruised in a long time. I have no plans of doing such. I am just not that hyped about going out lately. I am looking foward to Athens/Atlanta trip so much. I should like to go out in athens very much because I did want to so badly when I was there last my ear got gimpy on me and I drank a few beers and did not feel well enough to go out. I was so pissed at myself. There is some sort of magical feel in Athens, to me, especially at night, so many people, so many smells, so many memories. I was dreadfully overweight, and I did not cruise then either, I was happy then. I am happy now too but I feel like I run out of time so much now. I sit and I think instead of writing or painting, or reading or doing something. Like I said in my former revelation, I can do whatever I want, we all can, it is all up to us. I would not have these things to bitch about if I would just fix how I think of them and then do them when I want to do them. Am I ranting? I do prattle on so. Peace out. Love. Me.