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post #28
bio: chris

first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

Date the Honkycracker!
Okay everybody, I'm getting' a little bored here. A little restless. Maybe even a little bit frustrated. I'm tired of looking out only for myself, and I want someone to watch the playoffs with me. To quote a certain Mr. Cuomo, "I don't wanna be an old man anymore. It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night It's time I got back to the good life."

So ladies, here's your chance. I'm time to step up to the plate and Date the Honkycracker.

First off: This is me. Say hello.

People keep telling me I remind them of Jeremy Piven. I dunno. He's a friend of that Cusack guy, and people seem to like him OK. I guess there could be worse people to be compared to. Like David Hasselhoff.

(Have you guys heard the latest Hasselhoff rumor? Apparently, he's off somewhere filming the new Baywatch movie without a script, or so the rumor goes and he checked himself into the Betty Ford clinic right in the middle of the shoot. I guess he checked himself out of Betty Ford the day after, and someone found him that night passed out in his hotel room with the mini-bar completely emptied.)

Well, enough about Hasselhoff. "What about the Honkycracker," you ask? I will tell you.

LIKES: The Pixies. (a lot) Dark bars. Bourbon. UConn Huskies basketball. Funny last names. Glasses. Anna Paquin. Girls who play bass. Violins. The Big East. Massive Attack. Pirates and pirate jokes. James Joyce. Henry Fool. The Henry Plays. Radiohead. A vulgar sense of humor. Long road trips to see concerts that get rained out. Dim light. Plaid skirts. (not on me.) Sleater-Kinney. The Weez. Tasteful karaoke. Flannel shirts. Doc Martens. The year 1993.

DISLIKES: Dashboard Confessional. ( a lot) Courtney Love. The movie Salo: The 100 Days of Sodom. (actually, it's a very well done film, but I get sick for days after watching it.) Anything involving the state of Nebraska. (except for the Bruce Springsteen album) People who delete my hard drive. The year 2002. War in Iraq. Girlie drinks. Capri pants. Bright lights. Christian Laettner and anything related to Duke University basketball. ( a lot) Bars that remind me of frat parties. Girls that remind me of frat parties. The ACC and the PAC-10. Crowds. Zombies.

There's a nutshell. If you would like to date the Honkycracker, or would like to receive my free brochure, you can either leave me a note in the comment box OR send me a message.

Operators are standing by.

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