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post #161
bio: chris

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first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

Twenty: January 3rd, 1998
No one knows you like I do
Nobody can know your heart the way I do
No one can testify to all that you've been through
But I will.

-- Paul Simon

Well, ghost lovers, I went over J-a's tonight. Back to Granby, yessirree. It's been three years and I'd seemingly forgotten it all. But it's all comin' back in a rush -- and it's a little hard to handle.

But good. It's all good.

Let's see.. I told her I'd call her today, cuz at the New Year's Party I told her I wanted to talk to her.

So I did. And she called me back.

"Wanna come over and play?"

Of course I did.

Wait. Quickly, let's run over the highlights. Got there. We yapped. She shows me her new underwear new underwear from Victoria's Secret. In passing, I demonstrate the tongue exercises I've learned in speech class and talk about my experiences in Massage 302.

She says "can you date me?"

Knowing she had a boyfriend, that comment thrilled me.

So I massaged her all night.

She says "can I take you to back with me to Montreal?"

I say "but my show goes off-Broadway in three weeks."

It came so close to being like it used to. It could have happened... if... Kevin hadn't come to visit. But it's good to know there are still feelings there, and she misses me. And no one's angry. No one's hurt.

I will miss her something tremendous. She's off to Montreal. Then to St. Louis. No Spring Break or anything like that. And then she's off to New Zealand for the summer. (Where this leaves her boyfriend, I don't know.)

So I don't know when I'll see her again. :( But we'll write. And Email.

Cold comfort for change. Did you exchange your walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

So I won't see that house in Granby again. For a while. Making that drive just won't be the same. And New York sucks in comparison.

And yet you go on, and you feel as though you haven't the power to stop.

How I wish. How I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimmin' in a fish bowl year after year. Running over the same old ground.

What have we found?

The same old fears.

Wish you were here.

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