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post #181
bio: chris

first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

Morning Agenda for 10-3: When I Am the Highest Ranking Employee in the Office

Walk into office. Stand on desk and sing The Humpty Dance. Perform the Humpty Dance and drink up all the Hennessey we have on our shelf.

Officially change job title to "Grand Poobah".

Make a cup of (cuppa?) fancy-schmancy French hot chocolate, which is referred to as"chocolate chaud" on the package. Discover that "chocolate chaud" sounds an awful lot like "chocolate choad."

Ask co-workers if they would like a taste of my chocolate choad.

Answer all emails as if I were a Panda.

"YOU take your car to work. I'LL take my board! And when you're out of fuel, I'm still afloat!"

Really start getting into this Panda thing. Crawl to bathroom on all fours. Pee. Try to lick myself clean. This is gross.

Go back to desk and gnaw on some bamboo. Resist any and all sexual advances from co-workers.

Need a pick me up. Transform Normal Workaday Pants into Rally Pants.

Lead all co-workers in a round of post-lunch Pandacise. This involves a lot of rolling around slowly on the floor, rigorous lying-in-place, and taking a general disinterest in everything around us.

Mrrr... I'm a panda. Mrrr...

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