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post #220
bio: chris

first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

More Fun with Strangers
Smoke breaks around here, as I have gone on about, are never dull. You know, I go out for a smoke break, I want to be alone. I want to think on my own for five minutes, and that's that. I don't want to give anybody directions. I don't want to give anybody any of my cigarettes. Even the interruption for a lighter is still an interruption. I'd say I'm talked to or interrupted about 75% of the time I'm out there. Sometimes interesting things happen. W.E.

So I go out for one final break of the day a few minutes ago, and wouldn't you know it, some guy comes up to me.

"Ehm... excuse me. You have lighter?"


"I... no English good," he said. "I... work in... coffee store? I have phone. I call... you...?"

Is this dude asking me out?

"Uh, no."

"No! No! Here!"

So the guy opens up his phone, and starts calling something. He pushes the phone against my ear.

I get it. He wants me to tell him what's in his voicemail.

"Hi, it's ___. We had coffee this morning. Look, I'm very flattered and all, but weekends... weekends don't really work for me. I'm very busy during the weekends. I'm flattered, you're very charming. Maybe sometime we can get together on a weekday during your lunch break or something... if you have lunch breaks... I don't know what your schedule's like at the coffee store. But otherwise, yeah, I'm flattered. But I don't think it's going to work out."

Oh boy. So now I have to explain to this man, in simple English, that he's being rejected.

"You... you listen?"

"Yeah. I listened."


"Okay. Here goes. So this girl you had coffee with this morning..."

"She says she's flattered, but weekends don't work for her. She said maybe sometime during the work week on your lunch break you could meet up maybe. She's very flattered. She thinks you're charming, but..."

"Eh... no weekend?"

"No. No weekend. Maybe sometime during the week on your lunch break..."

"Ehrm, what is ‘lunch break'?"

"During the day. In the afternoon. On a break from work."

He looks completely baffled.

"Middle of the week. Lunch break. Maybe, she says."

"No weekend?"

"No weekend."

He looks down, shaking his head, somewhat sad and slightly embarrassed.

"She was very beautiful."

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