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post #241
bio: chris

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Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

Product Review: Kinder Happy Hippo Biscuits
Normally I'm not the kind of guy who shows up and gives out product reviews. But, man, these Kinder Hippos warrant a mention.

I was smack in the middle of a particularly shitty week last Wednesday when a thoughtful friend gave me these hippos as a gift. First of all, that's perfect. As you may have noticed, I have a thing for hippos. Who doesn't? Hippos are awesome. What could possibly be more awesome than hippos?

I'll tell you what. German candy cookie crunchy hippos. That's what.

Let me tell you a little about these hippos. The hippo itself is a light, crunchy hollow vanilla cookie stuffed with a nutella-like substance and vanilla kreme. It has little candy eyes at the top. The hippo's bottom is also covered in the nutella-like substance and covered with little crunchy things.

At first, I did not want to bite into the hippo. About 2 inches long, the thing was just so... cute. (There, I said it.) I'm a sucker for these things. I probably shouldn't admit that, but I am. (When I was upset as a child, my mother would show me a picture of that stupid little Snuggle Bear, and I would STFU immediately. I could not be upset around a laughing little Teddy Bear.) So I feel bad biting into a cute little hippo. But I brought myself to do it, and holy fuck. Hippo never tasted so good.

The best part of eating the hippo, though, is the second bite. You just have to laugh at that point, because you're about to eat a hippo's ass covered in chocolate, hazelnut, and vanilla kreme. You're eating a hippo ass, and loving it. Seriously. When you woke up that morning, did I think the highlight of my day would be eating hippo ass? No. But hey, something surprises you every day.

And just when I thought these things couldn't get any better, they do. Turns out Kinder makes are you ready Star Wars Hippos. That's right. Hippo Chewbacca. HIPPO WOOKIEE! HIPPO FUCKING WOOKIEE!!!!! Now THAT is t3h r0x0rz.

So yeah, I guess this isn't so much a product review as it is me saying "Hey. Go eat these hippos now."

Go eat these hippos now.

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