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post #280
bio: chris

first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

We Be Strokin'
I hate internet memes, but Rich, I like this one. Good job.

Let me ask you somethin'...
What time of the day do you like to make love


Okay, okay. Like Rich said, yeah, anytime really. But, no. Actually, studies show I like to make love between the hours of 4:00 AM and 7:30 AM more than any other times of day.

Have you ever made love just before breakfast
Yes. Literally. I cooked scrambled eggs on her chest and ate 'em as soon as I finished strokin'.

Have you ever made love while you watched the late, late show

What constitutes "watching"? Sure. It was probably on in the backrgound. But I wasn't strokin' to David Letterman or anything.

I did once make love immediately after watching Cannibal Holocaust, though.

Well, let me ask you this
Have you ever made love on a couch

Of course. Now have you ever made love in a couch? That's where it starts to get kinky. And springy.

Well, let me ask you this
Have you ever made love on the back seat of a car

Yes. You shouldn't be allowed to graduate high school until you do.

Oh, an to answer Rich's question, "have you ever made love in the front seat of a car?" Yes. In a Volkswagen beetle no less. Try strokin' in the back of that thing! You'll crave front seat in no time. But still, yeah, front seat, Volkswagen beetle. Not the easiest thing to do. (It was a convertible, so that helped.) That was the summer I dated a nyphomaniac. That made for a fun summer. We, er, parked out by the water, not to far from a marina. I had left the CD player on playin teh music and by the time we were done, the battery was teh dead. So... we had to get a jump. A bunch of marina people were sitting, it turns out, not very far away. They were kind of watching. I got a high five. And a jump.

A few weeks later this girl's brother would come at me with a knife. True story.

I remember one time I made love on the back seat of a car
And the police came and shined his light on me, and I said:

I'm strokin', that's what I'm doin', I be strokin'
I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best
I be strokin'

I have never been discovered strokin' it in the backseat of a car by a cop. I'm disappointed in myself. Maybe next time I'll steal a car, park in in front of a police station, and be strokin'.

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