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Feast of the Mole People

The New York City transit strike is causing ripples in New York's oldest "underground" community (Mole People, to most outsiders). Jubilation is the most prevalent reaction down in the tunnels, with many Moles feeling that their belief in an aboveground Armageddon has finally been substantiated. Bonfires have blazed all morning and songs of independence and liberation echo through these damp recesses.

"It's about time that Pluto (the Roman god of the underworld, whom many Mole People worship) took back it's own," said self-proclaimed King Mole, Luther "Goggle-Eye" Petroski. "The upstairs has been unclean and forgetful for too long. The great purge has begun. You can feel it on the third rail. Dead. We will feast on the marrow of the other tonight."

The feast to which "Goggle-Eye" refers has been long prophesied in Mole culture. Ancient scripture, which dates back to the 1930s or maybe later and is written in Day-Glo graffiti (in subterranean code) throughout the barren darknesses of these tunnels, calls for a day when the trains will stop running throughout Manhatten's extensive subway network, and the Mole People will wait until the first night falls before rising from their pitch-black holes to eat the flesh of those few topsiders that remain alive.

Of course, this brings a whole new problem to Manhatten's millions of residents. Most, while never having heard of the prophesy, will be sorely surprised this evening when an army of pale Morlocks emerges this evening to feast on the flesh of the living. Many of New York's more educated terranean residents, however, are purchasing white greasepaint, in an attempt to look more Mole-ish, in preparation for tonight's cannibalistic invasion. "I'm not taking any chances," said Shirley Jackson, of West 23rd Street. "When in Rome, y'know. Besides, I been eying my neighbor Ray ever since I heard about this strike. He's sitting on some mighty fine hams."

Mayor Bloomberg's office has refused to officially comment, bt sources close to the mayor have indicated that slight increase of police has been authorized, mainly to make sure that the Mole People do not try to smoke in New York's many fine restaurants. "The law is clear," said an unnamed city official, "and cannibalism, as well as smoking restaurants and bars, will not be tolerated."

King Goggle-Eye scoffs at such warnings. "We have been threatened by the surface world too long. Without their trains, they are empty threats...from a major protein source. My people have waited a long time to dine at this table. All the signs are in place."




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post #338
bio: blaine
perma-link
12/20/2005
11:31

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