If you are responding to my roommate ad on craigslist, let me give a few pointers. First, the room is only available to one person; there is not additional room for Jesus Christ or your mom. Second, do not mention the torrid club scene in your unsolicited claim that you aren't into drugs; you already gave yourself away. Third, do not use the word dungeon; our basement is for laundry only. Fourth, do not let me know how much you'd like to hang out with me if I am free; you haven't met me. Fifth, do not send photographs with yourself and celebrities like Samuel Jackson; it smacks of desperation. Sixth, I don't need to know that you go to the gym a lot; creeps me out. Seventh, don't tell me you spend your weekends skiin or sailing; who the fuck are you, anyway? I'm pretty sure I won't like you. Do not tell me that I can't do drugs because it conflicts with your job; you can't have any of my drugs anyway.
You are allowed to mention: how much wonderful furniture you have, how great a cook you are, how you are out of town all the time, what activities you volunteer for. Things like that.