I'm starting a zen study group at my house. In the basement, to be more exact. I bought some cheap decoration from a Vietnamese store up the street that was relocating - elephants, Buddhas, noismeakers, prayer flags, those good-luck cat statues with the one paw salute, dragon-print silk-like stuff. I'm charging a nominal fee for the sessions. It's only fair. I'm also hoping to meet gullible Buddhist women.
I'm saying gullible because I don't know anything about Zen Buddhism. I mean, I've done a little reading recently, boning up, so to speak. I checked out some D.T. Suzuki, Thich Nat Hanh, Buddhism for Dummies. Things like that. I only skimmed, but c'mon! It's zen. Anything goes.
For instance, when someone asks me a question, like "B-, where does eternity begin?" I will simply tickle her with a feather.
If someone asks how to deal with grief over their poor, sick mother, I will instruct them to stand on their head twice a day in the direction of Kyoto.
Should someone ask how to resolve a sticky personal situation at work, I will simply stick out my tongue and blow.
Mostly, I suspect we will just play with our noisemakers, gather our robes around us and chant.