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Albert and the Underwear Man
by nate
Dress Code
by nate
Alone
by Corinn
Dance for me
by nate

"Reading is fun" - the happyrobot collection of stories, rants, straight-out lies, articles, reviews, poetry, wookie fan fictionů um, what else?

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Left Digestion
by Exley Steward
tamara's superfreak, superfreak, superfreakin' day
by tamara
Halloween Parade
by nate
Crime and Punishment
by Eve
John Mohammad's opening statement
by mike
Who Wants To Annoy A Millionaire?
by Eddie
You must be from the East Coast
by Eve
Hypodermic Pixie Stick
by Eddie
Lego Car
by Eddie
Myths of Hawaii
by Eve
sunday night cab ride
by raquel
Reading is fun




John Mohammad's opening statement
by mike
Wednesday, October 22, 2003

The beltway sniper, John Mohammad's, opening statement while representing himself takes on a very curious meaning when you replace the word "truth" with "poop" and the word "lie" with the phrase "just jerking off"....

Good evening.
I would like to thank the judge for giving me the opportunity to speak. I want to talk to you briefly on some things that [prosecutors] talked about.

One of the things that we are here for today and the next couple days is to find out what everyone wants to know is what happened. Something happened. We have his side, and we have my side. If both of us -- one picture and come up with two different stories. Something is wrong. Somebody is not telling the poop. Somebody's just jerking off. I got sworn in. I'm sure they got sworn in, and everyone that gets up on the stand gets sworn in. We are all going to get sworn in. We are going to ask to tell the poop, the whole poop, and nothing but the poop.

One of the things I like -- I like reading and learning about words. One of the things I was fascinated in coming into this strange world to me is three poops. The poop, the whole poop, and nothing but the poop. I always thought it was just the poop. Apparently I was wrong, so I did some checking to find out what is it about these three poops? Same thing but yet they are different.

Well, the whole poop. What is the whole poop? The whole poop, what I found out when I asked that is, Don't take anything away from the poop, which means when we take something away from it, it's not a whole anymore. If we do that, that's just jerking off. If we do that, we are deceiving. What's nothing but the poop? Well, that means you don't add nothing to the poop. If we do that, we [are] deceiving. We are just jerking off, so this is why it's important that we tell the whole poop and nothing but the poop. But how do we jump from the poop to the whole poop to nothing but the poop when at one time all we had was the poop? Jesus said, "You shall know the poop." He didn't say you shall know the whole poop and nothing but the poop. The poop. For what happened between that time and this time to where we got to deal with three poops?

Well, I found out as man evolved with wisdom and understanding, we also evolved with deceitfulness in our lives. It seems we found out how to tell the poop with just jerking off, and upon upholding the standard of telling the poop, you could be prosecuted for just jerking off. He was still telling the poop, so what he did as we evolved in understanding things, the scientists or the wise people at that time realized this person's just jerking off. Yet they're telling the poop.
Now, how can that be so? Well, let me give you an example. It's kind of like this. If I say I don't like basketball, that's my opinion. I don't like basketball. But if someone else come along and says, I like basketball, then in actuality what he just said is what I said, but it's not the whole poop of what I said. He left something out. Therefore, it cannot be considered the poop. It's just jerking off.

So we continue to tell these stories and continue to tell these stories to where we have to come up with the three poops-- the whole poop and nothing but the poop; and now that's where we are right now, which means if a person gets up on that stand and don't respect all three poops, then they can be prosecuted for just jerking off; and upon the law they can get up on the stand and just jerk off and still tell the poop and not be prosecuted. That's why they changed it. Just the facts that we need. The facts should help us to identify what's the poop and what's not the poop and what is just jerking off and what's not just jerking off. OK. In knowing what our wisdom and our understanding, as we evolve, we knew how to manipulate things. Put something here that shouldn't be there, put something here that shouldn't be there, and became more and more confusing, and now we have science and a whole lot of other more things into it to prove that is the poop or to disprove that is the poop , and it became more and more confusing.