Dear Ex-boyfriend, We have been notified that, though the decision to end the relationship was yours, you continue to pursue communication with your former partner in an attempt to re-write the past. To refresh your memory as to why she does not return your calls and e-mails please complete the questionnaire below. We are just trying to help YOU, Ex-boyfriend, here at the Ex-boyfriend Clearinghouse.
Directions: As the final part of your exit interview, please complete the following questionnaire to the best of your ability. Do not indicate the answer that you think we want to hear, but the one that best describes your actual behavior and thoughts during the relationship.
Ex-boyfriend exit interview
1. When your girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night after a bad dream where you were cheating on her and she asked you if you wanted to sleep with other women, your response was:
A. No. B. Of course not. C. Maybe.
2. You were actually a Navy SEAL. When your girlfriend asked you to go swimming with her to alleviate some of the pain from her back injury you:
A. Told her you are afraid of the water. B. Avoided the question and then told her you are afraid of the water. C. Grabbed your swim trunks and got in the water.
3. Your girlfriend completed numerous repairs on the boat you promised you would live on together. When she asked you to help her paint the deck at the house where you were both living you:
A. Stayed in bed and told her it needed two coats. Then proceeded to mock her color choice. B. Brought her a glass of water and marveled at her excellent work. C. Helped.
4. When you told your ex-girlfriend that you wanted to marry her numerous times over the course of the relationship, and even professed this desire to her Mother, your girlfriend believed:
A. That you intended to marry her. B. That you did not intend to marry her. C. That you were going to leave her for the promise of several young whores.
5. Your girlfriend paid $3000 for the transmission in the crap car you bought, paid for the registration and insurance and then sold (under your advisement) her new truck to reduce the monetary load on the ‘household'. Then you broke up with her. She kept the car because:
A. You ‘let' her keep it. B. You felt terribly guilty. C. It was hers.
Thank you for completing the Ex-boyfriend exit interview. This formally ends all communication with the amazing woman you thoughtlessly tossed aside for the promise of some younger pussy. Good Luck!
Disclaimer: We at the Ex-Boyfriend Clearinghouse know that, statistically, people score lower on multiple-choice exams than they would on essay or short answer tests. So what.