Sometimes, when I'm just sitting here, listening to the intern tell me he has never played a record before ("and I totally didn't know how to find the next track"), and how his friend with all the records is "just like that guy in High Fidelity" and I am doing all I can to keep breathing, I just have a real moment of clarity.
Today it occurred to me that I can be a real fucking idiot.
I can let my heart run the show and let myself believe that something wonderful and meaningful is right around the corner, or that it's here and I'm just in the wrong place. I can let my heart fabricate intricate realities that have, in their resemblance to actual possible futures, nothing in common with the real world (except for the physical manifestations of people and buildings and shit). Or, if this was a Power Point presentation: Heart • In Charge • Clueless about real world • Destined for hardship (true/false) ?
And the truth is that my heart runs the show more often than not. Though how this happens, I'm not sure.
Then there is my head. Head • Reminds about flaws • Easily distracted • Keeping score (Head:12/ Heart: 0)
Hey. I know this is just my own personal passing storm. Pretty soon my heart will be in charge again and I'll go back to believing in romance and destiny, true love and celebrity marriages. But for today...for right now...