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post #8
bio: erik

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My Precious in the house
I started talking about this in Robot Chat, and realized I need to document myself here as the creator of this idea, before some sneaky bastid tries to steal it.

I've gotten the idea lately that I want to be a rapper named Chillbo Baggins, and my debut release will be called Lord of the Bling Blings. I imagine that the majority of my "rhymez" will be about the heartbreak of hairy feet, getting cock-blocked by Gollum, and why don't Frodo and Sam just get they freak on already?

I've been tempted to mention this to my friend's roommate, who makes videos for local "underground" (his term, not mine) rappers, despite being an incredible honky. On the one hand, he might die of laughter, which we would welcome. On the other hand if he survives, he's the type of person who will call me Chillbo for the next several years, not realizing that it has stopped being funny. (And by then I'll have changed my name from Chillbo to C. Diddy anyway). And he already likes me way too much as it is. He'll come into the room and sort of lean towards me saying " 'sup" over and over, and generally making me feel uncomfortable. And if I'm lucky, he'll want to do that punch-your-fists-together-as-a-greeting thing.

Anyway, word up, my tiny, hairy peeps.

I ain't a midget, I'm a freakin' hobbit,
got more knives than Lorena Bobbitt
Got a bald dude mullet like my homey Smeagol
don't need a pony, gonna ride a beagle

you know, that sort of thing.

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