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In between...
wrong and right.
"he was the kind of father who asked my sister to touch him if she wanted to go to see a friend. her mother always told her to ask her father as was her norm. it was a disaster."
her aunt told her it was crippling to continue to be angry in service of this man.
crippling
and letting him win.
and the challenge of daring to have no enemies and forgiveness is the best form of revenge.
it often made her feel if you forget you've forgiven and they've gotten away with it unaccountable to the wind.
is there a point to the self pity?
Edith was safe.
and what she said to her aunt...
"I took it because of shame. I accepted it because I didn't think I was worth more. I fear I can never be with a human because I'm emotional drunk - I'll have a rage fest and the ones closest to me will leave me..."
she is named Linda.
she says to her niece.
"that is something you will have to navigate, and I will tell you there will be ones who fight to stay by your side in the ambulance and hug you the whole way...."
"buckets of my tears my aunt. bouquet de my shed tears... thank you one day..."
x
on the radio because he suggested it three thousand five hundred miles away - her most trusted friend - her first true love: counting crows.
murders
"I will never be lonely.
I will never be lonely.
I said I'm never going to be lonely.
I want to be alive.
every body wants to pass this couch.
we all want to be big big stars
but we've got different reasons for that....
and I want to be someone who believes."
she was nineteen in her mother's hand me down grey Honda accord with blaupunkt speakers whipping through east to west Cobb county flirting with a drummer and and guitar player and feeling more meaning than anything on the planet by their desire.
she was nineteen. or twenty.
the song that got her was one.
it slayed her
before that, she told Steven "mr. jones is on album 88 but it's going to be a hit."
kristen often called it
yet she sat
like a
quivering rock
in the pit
of her
lummox
"help me stay awake I'm falling."
I love you my niece.
I want to know how to love you my aunt but I fear I'd drive you nuts the instant I shake my scales....
"it's 4:30 am on a Tuesday. it doesn't get much worse than this."
women liking me terrifies me
men liking me makes me feel safe
it's twisted
sister
x
Hemingway I think of you and Paris way more than you'd ever know
and the nostalgia of you
really cracks me.
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