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I've so much temporary financial insecurity, it feels like stress cortisol
coursing through my veins. I am unused to this feeling. It brings with it pork belly bills...
I've had to apologize to my cat multiple times for being her mother and being too poor for the geriatric panel. my own geriatric mother seems feeble, and I've already tapped them all out and still short. It's slit your throat sort of ... I would never though - that's the rub - that tattoo. I feel sooooo much like it sometimes though - escape from this place where I love like a fourth degree burn without any hope but respite between cataclysms.
My cat's butt feels bony even though the wrong vet pronounced her healthy. She goes in and out of moods or is it me? am I projecting? having a partner is something I've gotten used to.
dangling prepositions like pearls to swines... my barely there publishing attempt as I'm so wretchedly debaucherously fearful of - dare we name it...
rejection.
the first time must have been my sister.
I must be treating the cat like I was treated
it's so primal how I am - so not of me - from earlier
"why do I have to take care of you. no one takes care of me."
"I wish you would die."
"LEAVE ME ALONE"
or from my mom
"I'm busy right now."
"I'm too busy right now."
and it breaks my heart when I do so as I'm 52 pick up.
yet, the older you get, the more you realize how people are just kids stuck in the body often.
I just adjusted my monitor on my desk after apologizing to my cat
and so many post it notes to myself "you are safe"
maybe that's why I had them in my life - the men - to be safe.
"I am safe in my body".
and I got off my ass to write how much I appreciate this barely there published opusi...
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