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shockerooni... another Hemingway tribute. the man wafts in my mind like a reincarnation.
I can see why he wrote in the early mornings. My mind starts pounding paragraphs whenever it awakens from 1am on....he began at 5am religiously they said. And I'm glad I've been to key west.
it's not necessarily Hemingway's fault - at the time and sort of now the things he loved made me vomit: boxing, killing an animal, war... yet at least he was honest. It's always a weird one when the artist chooses his own death. They call that suicide. I agree.
The words are so loaded.
Like I was squabbling on the other post, the swami's say telling your story is what changes it - when you change the telling. I'm not a lost minister's daughter from the patriarchal racist south. I'm a philosopher who has gone through lifetimes in this one life full of tales.
Wilmington is a touchstone for me. the town.
I dreamt so hard of living there I even looked at the Carolina (and boy has that place rotted from the looks of the alleyway stairs).
When I was shrooming there is when I got so mad at "them" for taking the town that I loved and ruining it for me - turning it into a stage set for weddings and flying by of beastly airplanes. It felt so fake empty and there wasn't a place to by real bread. Even the village mark up smelt of the new delta gr8 in town. It was all drugs and love. Perversions of drugs and love.
and what you want the most is what you must now earn est.
It still tickles me how people worship the shrooms. I respect them and was so curious for a moment, yet now - I would never do them without a guide... and I credit them a lot with my divorce.
I feel like one day I'll die. I've never really talked to anyone besides mark and even him I grew so "bye" after I felt I had been rejected - reject him first suckahs. I think there's a cliche about that - cutting your nose off to spite your face.
and so Hemingway is famous for saying I wish I had loved her and never loved anyone else.
voice vs no voice
splitting would be a term from psychology's borderline diagnosis: evil or good "black and white thinking"
Instead of writing anything vs. nothing
that's a hard one for me.
the shroom wisdom - the stuff I bothered writing about through my whimpering was not fun - most of it was 'you're in a cage that you made and only you can get yourself out.' yet clear as a bell was "why do I write? no choice."
and when you really really want to trip me up... a world without soft animal touch. you'll see.
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