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she was sobbing again.
all the things lost.
she loved the she could finally care about listening to a song, and this made her pathetically sob audibly. the cat was on the heating pad and had played. it brought her joy.
she loved that Bjork used "was so broken" not "is so broken".
it made her sob. all of it did when she was real.
she was not taking pills - two days in of white anti-depressants. it had been her ask.
always more fun when it's your choice.
maybe it would be cheaper than her self-medications.
the JBL (doesn't everyone have one) speaker in dark teal blue
(colors are so crucial)
she was going walking in redwoods today. finally. if we all survived the next five minutes.
she woke at 4:50 in darkness this morning.
it was the claustrophobia prison
again
this time, it was (and I love that mixtape is on apple tunes. wafting in my last $10.99 - son many things lost - one was the hard drive. - dare I ask mark for a third copy?)
mark had rejected her in the dream the night before last.
the dream that woke her at 4:50 was playing with what was around and in this weird situation. (I HATE explaining it, but it makes me have compassion for Andrew.)
She had to walk away several times yet when she awoke, she knew there was no going back to sleep. She had had it before many times in this post divorce hell.
Now, she knew why. She had done the same thing to Andrew and was going to apologize for it. It was going to be some crow eating.
She was in the SUV (she had been reading in reddit about car living and feeding fear) with two black fat teenage girls in the driver and passenger seat and everything was old dirty and musty and they were talking to someone sitting in the engine. OUCH.
(the writer has had to walk away several times in the telling of this nightmare)
She asks how to get out of this place. She starts internal panicking and looking for the exits and seeing the depth of the dust - those doors hadn't been opened in centuries eons. The back door? she thought of that as where she had come from and heavily guarded.
thank god she woke up.
and she was going for a walk in the redwoods today if all goes to plan.
for now, she was going to get some grass for her cat and shake this off.
and she forgot, she's never told you what even happened after LA - about all the uncle wiggly adventures...
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