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all over again - a nice guy good at attention - starved for kindness - father of three the youngest a tender son.
maybe this guy would turn silent psycho and wrestle her to the ground one day...
He asked her today if she thought about him.
She thought today on her walk about how she didn't have kids and how part of the reason was she never wanted to be that bitter (her) mom who was cheap, battered, and poor. she wanted to be able to have servants/power. Now, every drawn out month, she wondered why it wasn't the last one. THAT would be hilarious - getting pregnant at LII. It was all she could do to be with him when she was very tipsy. She had to work her way into being able to see him. Her immediate response to him was "ferret". She was back on the "please connect with me" site with the correct age and seeing what transpired. fuck it. Her favorite thing in life was lunch period, and it showed. Wait, no her favorite was martini shot.
and lord almighty, it was so fun seeing macon, but he was not her dude. it just couldn't fit. she couldn't fit with him. It felt too much like Andrew - liking someone because they liked the fucketity fuck out of you. He did have nice taste in food and was a bit of a snob. Maybe he was using her to not feel lonely too. oh well.
she still always thought of the other guy.
and again, she was so very grateful to have these fantasies to imagine.
it was so
much
better
than the year of poor emptiness.
the year of chaos.
Now, she was going to try to work on her bod - after today hahahaha! (there was this amazing Mexican restaurant the new one had turned her on to - this will be her third visit in four days. she wanted to go yesterday but was afraid... she would fucking see him).
that's the difficult part a little bit - it was a small small town apparently.
"have I really gone from 'fooled around and fell in love' to 'if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with?' is my life silly fucking love songs...."?
"maybe"
again, thank god for the distraction.
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