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Pulling into Wilmington, NC and crossing the bridge was the best way to enter the city. She had been so thrilled. Finally, she was in her seat of power - the only place she'd ever been happy. She also had someone she loved - someone calm, collected, and so fucking fucking fucking brilliant beside her driving.
What could go wrong? everything ha ha. Why? because she cared too tightly.
She was constantly reminded of carrie fisher's character saying to that dude who just blew up her planet on orders - something like "Look douchebag, the tighter you fucking squeeze your craven little claw, the more shit oozes out of your hand you loser."
And she was the loser.
It was hard to not love it though. No matter what, she enjoyed having a companion accompany her on all the things she had done by herself so many times. She loved introducing him to her best friend - a friend who loved his new home - Athens - as much as we all did.
It all smarted.
That first restaurant they went to was loaded with symbolism for her, but of course he couldn't give less of a fuck. For him, it was all like a shark - keep moving - never rest.
It was the Shuck N Shack. Kent hated the place, but Narcissi loved it. It was so dork ass, and it had the connotation from spouse #2. She had been planning to move to Salisbury with #2 and travel to Wilmington to get her juice. It made her bitterly laugh to realize that upon their divorce, spouse #2 moved there immediately.
Oh the bitter laughing. Oh hahahaha.
She sat in Macon Georgia often having to remind herself that it wasn't the worst. She suspected the pills she took every morning contributed greatly to such notions.
Thinking about #2 was so much less than it used to be. She hardly ever even did. It was only when she wondered what went wrong there - was he just also the same brain as Neil - just less severity? He had love-bombed the fuck out of her - calling her the best human he'd ever met - wanting whatever scrap she would give him. It confused her because she felt so little for him, but she went with it. As we all know, she was quite hungry for affection. Her fathers you know...
So trite. So true.
This last one. She loved knowing that Neil had a weekly staff meeting at 9:30amET every Monday. It was bizarre to her - but perhaps loving - that she knew all the nuances of his day - the naps, the walks, the gym, the hi-lo, the jeopardy, the cross puzzles, the brief Wordle.
Every day, she moved further and further from hope.
It was good.
she guessed.
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