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I listened to your playlist for the first time tonight.
Of course, it was after I listened to my own music face down on the carpet my sister gave me sobbing like a
heavy
hearted
broken
woman
I wanted to look at myself and see if I really was real
if my music was good
and I stumbled upon a list that wasn't mine
it was yours
the one you had given me when we met on bumble the first time
I had scanned it and forgotten about it.
"are you out there? can you hear me?"
and I remembered how you heard weird al first and thought everyone was covering him.
I wouldn't have chosen "rocket man". I would have chosen "goodbye yellow brick road"
but your songs
made me listen
like that audio commercial where the man sits in a chair with his arms locked on the chair arms.
and I thought how deep you must be
and how I never knew you
and how close we almost were
and I felt so
fucking heavy
and immature
and wanting
wanting wanting....
something
I took a pill that's like a heavy benedryl
you remember the one.
the light is fading.
I look forward to masturbating to your memory even though I never got you
I go to Oxford tomorrow to try
something
these unwanted cats
Bangor around me wanting something
I'm trying to get back on some horse
but
fuck it
you have excellent taste (but you know that)
there will never be a you
and seeing you by
hearing you
fucks me
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