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"you know some of them just take them and use them as bait for dogfights."
They were in the country vet getting the big-balled interloper checked out... finally.
"that's so evil. wow. I hate knowing that."
"right? it is. this man said he was so excited because someone took four of his cats, and I was like 'oh no'"
and kristen thinks of it.
when she gets home and Dobby stays in the cage and Clio comes in to nap and Orangie decides to stay outside and lay his belly on the smooth warm porch concrete. She wishes they were all gone from her life. She wishes she had zero cats, but in a trillion million years would she want to imagine their sweet innocent faces being hunted by ...
and she remembers the story her mom told her, "my cat Delilah - Samson had already died - but she was a beautiful Siamese and we brought her all the way from North Carolina, and she would sleep on my tummy when I was pregnant with you - every day. well, she got killed by the neighbor dogs in the first week we moved back. she was stuck and couldn't get out of the fenced yard."
of course that was heartbreaking, but the thing that shat kristen the most - shat her up - was the thought of men she passed every day - men in cars and with jobs and ... probably not many women but she was someone who remembered Megalus' wife even if others didn't (she was the slave owner's wife in the first roman slave revolution and she was rumored to be crueler even than her cruel husband)... but imagining pleasure being taken from watching a dog kill a cat.
pleasure taken when a man beats the shit out of another man.
pleasure taken when blood is spewed. Pleasure in beating. it was fucking fucking too much.
instead, she thought of fucking noel of fucking course. it was definitely emptier now that she had 'won' the knowledge of not being loved but being temporarily entertaining. (think of the cats selfish kristen).
they walked in these woods near her twice. it wasn't the most fun thing on the planet, but it was something to do, and she would never say know to walking in the woods. it wasn't really 'fun' it was more nature and holy or something. Not that she got on all fours and kissed the ecosystem, but it was green. It was peaceful. she talked, "I'm sorry. you probably enjoy peace. I'm talking to much."
he was a slow steady walker and the first person she had ever met who actually sat on those benches they provide. "I am here because I want to talk. I get plenty of times where I don't talk."
She was relieved.
They walked a bit then he said, "Chip has a gun that he bought."
"interesting."
"well, his grandad - on his mom's side was a big hunter, but he had to sell all his guns in a bad business thing."
"oh. so does he do target shooting?" the leaves crackled. It was late November but warm. Noel had some hitchhikers (the seeds) on his black sweatpants.
He laughed, "no, he doesn't even know how to use it. His roommate is a rick kid redneck, so the thought he should also have a gun. I think I'm going to go hunting with them - teach them."
She was surprised, but it's not like he was a vegetarian like his father was. "If I had been a boy, my name was going to be Hunter. I think that people go hunting - like they go fishing - so they can be quiet around other people and be in nature... and I guess primally the reward of bringing home the bacon. I hear there is a wild pig problem here."
"Oh we'd be shooting deer. Pig are too scary."
"Have you ever hunted before?"
"No, but I'm watching lots of YouTube videos."
"that's really cool to support your kids that way. my only worry would be the kill shot. that would be hard - seeing the animal writhing in pain."
He looked at her, "Yeah, I just think it will be fun. We probably won't do it until next year."
"I wish sometimes that people could just hunt drones or something - then the animal wouldn't have to die and be in terror."
"that's just what happens. we've eliminated the predators, so we have to be the predator."
"oh noel. I totally get the concept. I just fucking hate the dying part."
"We've all got to die."
"So they say."
He stepped over a limb and held the branch out so she could pass, "I do need a gun of my own though. Ask your brother if he knows where a good place to buy a gun is. I bet he'll know."
"sure".
they had gone off path in Allison's wood and were trying to get back. The path they were on ended in brush and bracken. For a few minutes, they trudged - she always made him walk ahead because she was terrified of snakes. He had once scared her on top of the Ocumulgee mounds pretending there was a snake. He enjoyed teasing.
"I think we should just turn around". he said after taking a stick and stomping in uneven terrain.
"sure."
They turned around awkwardly and found their way to the path and headed back to the car.
She had been playing the Beta Band's "She's the One for me" on the way in and he mentioned his beloved New York Times again - the song always triggered it - the band.
and she loved him.
it wasn't going to work.
As they were coming back on the lake and headed for the parking lot, she took a foto. It had been her birthday the day before.
oh well.
at the vet, she had told the story twice, "so the neighbor had been feeding them for seven years and then moved away saying 'they'll figure it out' - well they did."
"you should keep Dobby. He's a good cat."
She didn't know why no one understood. he could be fucking Eartha kitt reincarnated. She didn't want a cat. the cat people thought she should just join them and take care of six cats. the other people were like "why don't you just not feed them".
she didn't want to be the kind of person who just lets things that have no idea what's going on just starve. (and didn't like to remember when she'd done this herself long long ago)
oh well.
Dobby sleeps in his carrier with the door open.
she doesn't even bother with the guilt of not cutting the grass today - too hot.
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