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he hadn't taken his mother's death that hard - just as kind of an embarrassment that he had to kind of lay it out - something traditionally hard.
to her, it seemed that his mother had died to him long ago. now, he seemed most eager to get the dough.
she understood.
people die when they're alive.
it happens all the time.
songs have been written about it.
she was listening to that song that lance's kid's friend had played so amazingly at the birthday party in Athens. maybe she had been drunk or stoned or shroomed or anything - but it had made her feel.
and it was such a luxury to feel
and not be alone.
such a luxury.
with Leon, it had been all (and he's back to Leon) anxiety and fear.
dammit.
it was her fault.
she should have thought more of herself, but she felt as if she was receiving a reprieve
a gift
she spits a bit of bile now.
she would puke soon. she was drinking beer and hadn't been able to keep it down in months. it was like she was on Antabuse but she was on the fat jab. she was trying to lose the pounds she had acquired to shield herself from
feeling
and his mother.
what a sharp tack she seemed
but fundamentally a retard
like her
she was sharp as a fucking everything
by all measures
but she was fucking stupid
like a dumbass who fell for scientology
she fell for
his love
as if it was on offer
the only thing on offer was
"let's just live in the moment."
which was code for
we have no future babe.
and she was willing to wait and to try and to hope.
until she wept knowing that she was surrounded by shallow familial love but without her brother and it was hard.
no pot.
and león didn't like heavy.
ever.
except in his stomach
"who knows what's going to happen? lottery or car crash or you join a cult."
fucking narcissi
who did she turn out to be
a wrinkled loser with six cats.
is that what you thought?
well, you were
mostly wrong.
have you found better?
my love
SPIT
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