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the three cats were eating their wet food.
am I ever going to get them out of my responsibility or should I accept that it sucks and I'm pissed, but I also have the care of six cats.
I always kind of feel bad about not giving the outside cats food, and sometimes I do.
I don't want to do this, but maybe that just gets old after a while. I have to stop just seeing the same old thing - act or accept.
Ah a hummingbird. how rare.
Now they are harbingers of death even thought I've seen several with nary a death in the world. My mother has a story where she thinks that, and I accepted it I guess.
and mainly it made her sad that walking into the rainbow room - the tv room - in her house; there wasn't the same pang that she used to get of remembering him on the sofa and laying down with the football game on low. or the trip. or superman. or Marathon Man. those were the extent of our shared media imbibed.
and the guest bedroom isn't haunted by fierce ghosts anymore.
they're still here of course - your ghosts - but the sting is cut, and I miss it.
I don't mind trying to find someone to replace you. I look on the bee and am open, but it's all unimaginable.
I've got the incense going this morning.
I'm comfortably numb.
I guess.
I put the suitcase up from the wilmington/myrtle beach trip. it made me realize I loved it of course. if I'm really into a vacation, I'll leave that suitcase open and untucked away for days and days.
dazed.
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