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Teen News: Breakfast Of Champions
I'm riding the subway this morning when I suddenly find myself making direct eye contact with a man who has an ENTIRE BLOCK OF CHEESE (cheddar) hanging from his mouth. I mean his lips were wrapped around the entire thing as it hung at an approximate 45 degree angle. Why was he holding the cheese in his mouth? To free his hands while he riffled through a plastic grocery bag in search of...could it be...YES! He pulls out a bottle of Heineken and pops it open.
His breakfast ready, he enjoys his beer in between gnaws on the block of cheese. He ate the cheese like it was a beef jerky, getting it way in there by his molars and ripping off a hunk with a strong sideways pull.
A stealthy look inside the grocery bag reveals a variety of different beers; a can of Bud, another bottle of Heine, a can of what appeared to be Schlitz, but I wouldn't swear by it in court.
But the thing that makes this exceptionally, um, funny, is that he looked fairly well-to-do. He had a nice coat on, decent shoes, and he looked very hygienic overall. I enjoyed imagining what kind of day lay ahead for him. Maybe he's convinced the terrorists will indeed attack, and he might as well live life to the fullest and EAT ALL THE CHEESE AND BEER he can get his lips around!
Whatever the case, I'm sure it'll be a good day. how could it not when your stomach is topped off with cheddar and beer at 9AM!
Beer and Cheese Man, I salute you.
