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I am Zhe Terminator
Wednesday, December 1, 2004

› by victoria

I saw "The Terminator" for the first time last night. I'm currently trying to catch up on my "guy movie" watching, so far I've seen KILL BILL volumes 1 & 2, THE PROFESSIONAL, PULP FICTION... I kept on asking my boyfriend what the movie was rated back in the 80's when it was made. I was a bit shocked at how much nudity, violence, bad acting, incredibly hokey special effects, etc. could be crammed into an "R" rating. We stopped the movie about halfway through to make some coffee with Bailey's in it cuz the heat in our apartment hadn't quite kicked in yet...this was probably at about 11 PM. So he's in the kitchen, I can hear the "ghshhh" sounds of the coffee machine turning on, and then he's all like "Don't look."

So, being naturally curious, I looked.

The scenario then played out as follows:

ME: (shocked) There's a bug on the wall!

Boyfriend: (shocked, scared, doesn't say anything)

ME: (getting enraged) Well, gimme a coffee filter or a shoe or something! I'm gonna kill it!

(the smallish cockroach runs and hides behind picture on wall so I can't get it, cackling maniacally to its little buggy self)

Boyfriend: (in much the same tone as Indiana Jones expresses his feelings about snakes) I -hate- bugs.

ME: Well, I'm gonna sit here and wait it out...THERE IT IS! I'm GONNA KILL YOU YOU LITTLE s** of a b***! DIE! (misses hitting cockroach once, hits it again with shoe, it falls wounded to the ground) HA HA HA HA! LITTLE F****R! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET!

Boyfriend: (now scared of me as amazon/insect warrior and the bug) I hate bugs. now I feel itchy all over. do you think there are more?

ME: (used to want to be an entemologist, knows all about insects, arachnids, etc. crosses fingers behind back) Nope, probbly not. We live in Wisconsin, remember? The winters here are pretty cold so bugs don't have as much of an advantage.

Boyfriend: What does it eat?

ME: Mmm, probably crumbs on the floor and stuff, that's why I try to swiffer every couple of days.

(hugs boyfriend, he freaks out and jumps a couple of inches in the air when he accidentally brushes up against a shelf, thinking it was an insect or something)

Then we went to the living room and drank our coffee and watched the rest of "The Terminator."

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