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post #5
bio: frost

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Thursday, November 11, 2004
On realizing I need to make a new layout, and other things

this was originally posted over at the unedited entry can be found here.

My cat is pregnant.

But first, lemmie tell you a story.

Back before I saw the musical Wicked, I read the book. Now the fabulous-ness of the book is that it tells the story of Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of Oz acclaim, before Dorothy came and sang about rainbows and birds and just generally annoyed me very much. Glinda (although in the beginning she's Galinda and still has the A.) is off to a boarding-school-ish type university, where she meets Elphaba. In the beginning of the book, she's forced to room with Elphaba, much to her horror (cos she is green and that's SUCH a social disaster), because of various issues involving her chaperonne, lack of preperation on Miss Good's part, and a rusty nail.

You'll understand my point in a second.

So to avoid being forced into a dormitory setting with a bunch of other girls, she convinces the headmistress that her chaperonne (which is a bit like a live-in nanny/nurse/slave thing) can't be expected to look after anybody but Glinda because she has this horrible illness that causes her to speak to inanimate objects and forget about the living ones. It's made up but the principal agrees and sticks her with Elphaba.

Later on something "happened," and the chaperonne is traumatized, and develops this fake disease. Glinda's terrified because she feels she magicked it into existance unwittingly.

I pulled a Glinda. I got the cat pregnant.

Two weeks ago I overslept and didn't feel like going into work on time, so I called my boss and said I had to take my cat to the vet and I'd be in by noon. So ofcourse I come in at noon and my boss, being that kind of person, asks about the cat. So I blurt, "Oh, she's fine, she's just pregnant." So my boss, being that kind of person, gets incredibly excited and starts asking about the kittens, who'll get them, when they're due, what they'll look like, can I have one, can I have one?

So I'm trying now to figure out how to come up with some other lie in order to get out of the tiny detail that there are no kittens. The next day I come to work and in my office on my desk is a card with a kitten baking a loaf of bread and the words, "Congrats on the new arrival."


So then, in the following days, my cat becomes bigger and bigger. I notice this but I pay no attention to it, cos she hasn't even gone into heat yet, she couldn't possibly be pregnant. Then I find out that Paco, who gave me the cat in the first place, has an aunt who lived with him and had an unneutered male cat living in the house as well.

Unneutered male cat + unspayed female cat = denial.

Now she's the size of a small dog, and she wobbles around the house, and when she lies down she lies down half of her body first and with an effort falls onto the rest of herself with a huff.

She looks like my mom. Apparently cats get knocked up early in the Bronx, too.

So the long and short of it is, cos I lied to my boss, I've magicked sperm into my kitty's uterus and now the damn thing is going to lay spawn all over my apartment.

I was so depressed I bought a bird. She's trying to eat it but she knows she doesn't have her gravity-defying skillz anymore. My tiny room is suddenly becoming overrun with live-things.

Fuck you. Who wants a kitten?

note: there are no more kittens now. sorry.

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