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post #36
bio: chris

wish list
first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

If It Works for Pony...
Seeing as Pony's had some success with this, I figured I might as well rip her... uh, adopt a "similar idea". (yeah... that's the ticket..)


If you have been in any kind of contact with the Honky Cracker over the last several days, you know that I am no longer "with job". Somehow I got it into my head that, yes, I wanted to enjoy the same high quality of living that I've grown accustomed to, but without the everyday nuisance of "work". So seeing as I'm not getting paid to do that sort of thing, I started considering it "volunteer work". You know, hanging out at the bars, protesting the war in Iraq, gettin' my freak on with the Lovely Ladies of Honkycracker -- the usual sort of stuff.

It recently dawned on me that I can't keep up my noble charity work unless I get paid.

That's where you come in, folks.


I created the "Keep Honky Crackin'" program in hopes of keeping my charity work alive. You see, every day The Honky Cracker takes the youth of America out for drinks, to the packie to buy cigarettes, and out in the community to keep them away from their vile parents. I also pillage the seven seas in search of parrots and booty so that you, the reader, don't have to. Heck, I'm probably even babysitting your little sister right now.

So won't you help a little bit?


I think Pony's right. Is $20 too much to ask from your friends? I doubt it. So I thought to myself, "Hey, if everybody's sending Pony money, they'll probably send me money, too!" So I'm asking each and every one of you loyal readers, to send me at least $20. I will also accept bottles of Maker's Mark and Knob Creek.


Okay, screw this check crap. I hate checks, personally. You have to take them down to the bank and they have to clear.. blah blah blah. The Honky Cracker doesn't have time for that. Instead, send cash. Pure, cold, hard cash. Or your credit card. I don't care. Your credit card works for me. (Just think of all the good karma you'll earn as I spend your money away! Woo-hoo, yay doggies!). If you're interested and want my address, let me know. I'll be glad to give it to you.

If you're more interested in sending the whiskey, then I recommend . It's probably easier than wrapping up a bottle and sending it USPS, FedEx, or UPS.


If you kids send me some donations (now, I can't guarantee that whole receipt thing, 'cuz I've never been to good at record keeping. But I'll see what I can do.) here's what I can promise you.

* Honkycracker may or may not go to a subscription model. (If I can get some models to subscribe to it, I may go that way. Especially that Kathy Ireland chick. She's hot. Otherwise, it's on as always.
* I solemnly promise not to return from, well, anywhere I go, wearing any of that hippie crap from India. I also promise to return WEARING MY OWN CLOTHING.
* I will continue to write funny stories. Even ones about poo. Or any other excrement/secretion/body stuff you want to hear about.

For anyone sending me $50 or more, I will write a Honky Cracker on any topic of your choosing. Heck, I'll even send a threatening letter to that ex of yours who just can't keep him/herself away from your hope chest.
And if you act right now, I'll send you a picture of my boobies ABSOLUTELY FREE, AT NO COST TO YOU!

This, my friends, is the Honky Cracker promise. Won't you help?

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