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post #195
bio: chris

first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the NYC Transit Strike
(stolen liberally from Douglas Adams)

"Six pints of bitter," said Bob Guerrette to the barmaid at Toad Hall. "And quickly, please. We're trying to get a ride home."

The barmaid at Toad Hall didn't deserve this kind of treatment. After all, only one week ago, she served the two of them for free at the company Holiday party. Granted, she was paid rather handsomely to do so, but that's beside the point.

She pushed her glasses up her nose and blinked at Bob Guerrette. Bob ignored her and stared out the window, so the barmaid looked instead at Honky Cracker, who shrugged helplessly and said nothing.

So the barmaid said "Oh yeah, guys. Nice weather for it" and started pulling pints.

She tried again. "No, really. Watchin' the game tonight?"

Bob and Honky just rolled their eyes at each other.

"No, seriously." She tried again. "Settling in to watch the game?"

Bob glanced outside again.

"No, no point. He said, and checked his cell phone for text messages.

"So you think the Knicks have no chance?"

"No, no." said Bob. "It's just that we're looking for a ride."

The barmaid breathed in heavily. "There you are sir. "Six pints."

Honky smiled at her wanly and shrugged again.

"Bob," said Honky. "Would you please tell me what the hell is up with our ride?"

"Drink up," said Bob. "He's down at Battery Park."

"Three?" said Honky. "But he's only at Battery Park. We don't have time."

"Time is an illusion" Bob told him. "And during a transit strike, doubly so."

"Very deep," Honky shook his head.

"Drink up."

"Why three beers?"

"Muscle relaxant. You'll need it."

"Did I do something wrong today?" Honky asked his beer. "Or have I just been too wrapped up in myself to notice?"

"All right" said Bob. "What if I told you that Johnny Damon signed with the New York Yankees?"

"I don't know." Honky said. "Why, do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say?"

Bob gave up. He just said "Drink up."

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