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post #213
bio: chris

first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

You're a 7 Year Old Big Boy Now, Happyrobot. Stop Peeing Your Pants In School.
For me, it all starts with a 25 year old bored little boy at work who googled a friend from college's name and found the McSweeney's Title Generator on happyrobot.

The boy, still bored, found that happyrobot had one o' them there AIMbot things which, at the time, he thought were fun to fuck around with. So he did.

But after a while he thought "hmmm... if this is a bot, it's a pretty damn good one, cuz it seems very... human."

Turns out I stumbled upon the AIMbot at a moment when Rich was pissing off some nasty, nasty teens by pretending to be the AIMbot.

We chatted, Rich and I, and he gave me the screennames of the offending teens, and I freaked them out by IMing them someshit or another.

Then Rich asked me to write for happyrobot, a task I gladly accepted.

Jesus H. Christ. If I hadn't googled my friend's name that day, and if Rich hadn't been manually manning the AIMbot, my life would have turned out significantly different than it has.

It's weird and somewhat scary to think that a website can completely alter the shape of your life. But for me, happyrobot sure has. Here's how. Here's why. Here's 7.


This was October, 2002. I hadn't even been writing on the robot for 3 months yet. I wanted to go to New York, and Liz, Liz, lovely Liz told me she'd put me up for the weekend. Good times.

Honestly, I barely remember it. We went to the Magician (of course). Rich and Rachel were there. And I remember being somewhat in awe of Rich and thinking "don't fuck up! Don't do anything stupid!"

I remember drinking gin and tonic's on Liz's roof until very early in the morning.

And I remember meeting Rich for lunch at Better Burger before I took off back to Boston. He asked me if I knew anyone else who might be interested in writing for the robot, and I said "Well, yeah. I know a guy who'd be perfect. He goes by ‘Klutch'."


Back when Tim used to write, he was probably my favorite happyrobot writer at the time, and as a newbie, I very much looked up to him.

So one day I got a message from Tim saying that he was going to be in Boston and that we should meet up for drinks.

I took him to The Delux, which was my favorite bar in Boston at the time, and that was kinda special. My favorite robot writer, my favorite bar. Good times.


The most independently thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me was a birthday present given to me by now ex-girlfriend. For my 27th birthday, she got us tickets to see The Pixies – which, as you probably know, are my favorite band in the world. They had been broken up for 13 years, so I was too young to see them their first time around.

But now we were going to see them. In Toronto. With Pony and Kiff.

I had been dying to meet Pony for some time, but I never had any reason to go to Toronto, and I was never in NYC when she was visiting there.

So I got to see my favorite band I had never seen with one of my favorite people I had never met, with my girl and her guy.

That's pretty fuckin' dope in my book. The dopest.

And yes, I am watching The Pixies Sell Out as I write this.


May, 2004. Nate's comin' up ‘cuz his fiancée has a medical conference to attend. Nate's got lots of time to hang.

-b's in town for the weekend. Klutch and Q are in the house. Rich and Rachel decide to come up on the spur of the moment.

We got to my favorite bar in Cambridge – The Druid – and proceed to have one hell of a night. Drinks. Big ass dinner. Karaoke at the courtside. Again, my favorite people together in my favorite places.

Nate fuckin' rules.


We probably annoy the shit out of outta the rest o' y'all. But I gotta say. The chatbot with 3pk, dorf, and Stu... fuckin' good times.

Oh, 3pk and dorf – sell your house and move to NYC already.


Yeah, let the Stu and Honky are lovers jokes fly. I don't care.

Hey, when I first met Stu I didn't like him, either. (I kid, I kid.) But it's funny. When we first knew each other, I barely talked to him,

But he stuck with me and became my true friend while I was going through some tough times. And he never told me to shut up.

He earned my trust which, for those of you who know me, is a damn tough thing to do. He's been an unbelievably loyal friend, a comrade-in-arms, and a drinking buddy that can not only keep up with me, but far-far surpass me. He's earned my undying respect. He is a true, true, dear, dear friend of mine.

But yeah, he's an asshole.


This is the most difficult thing I've ever tried to put into words in my life.

If it weren't for happyrobot, I never would have fallen in love with a girl who left her email address in my comment box.

I never would have had the gall or the reason to leave my beloved friends in Boston for a shot at something greater. I never would have moved to New Jersey, and I turn, I don't know when I would have moved back to New York.

If I didn't do that, I wouldn't have many of the wonderful and dear friends I have now. People like Crom and Stampy, Kelly, Cryfok and Stu. And, of course, -b. For that, I am thankful.

Thank you –b. for deciding to comment on my post that day. If you didn't, I would have missed out on so much.

Of all my happyrobot moments, none are dearer to me than that one.

(Oddly enough, that very post came up on Past Words today. Freaky.)

So happy birthday, happyrobot. Are you happy now? You made me cry a little, you little bitch.

But seriously Rich, thank you. I owe so much of what I have to you and your little website. Thank jeebus you were manning the AIMbot that day. I owe you, dogg.

Happy birthday.

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