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post #300
bio: chris

first post
that week

Previous Posts
On Sting (and other crap)
Things I Say to My Dad, Because (like myself) He Thinks, Irrationally, He's Going to Die Soon
Why Hipstamatic Was Invented
Happy Mother's Day, Y'all
Black Pear Tree (Guest Post from John Darnielle)

Okay, Now I'm Pissed Off
You know, I'm not proud of much I've done.  But what I am proud of is that when I was 10, I made some fish make babies that I was told could never make babies in captivity.  And those of you who know me know I bring this up from time to time.

So it pisses me off when I read something like this.

Especially this part:

"Breeding: No reported successes. It is believed that they spawn on coral reefs and the young migrate to the freshwater and brackish areas near river estuaries. When they mature they return to the open sea."

Well, I  thought I did an OK job for a 10 year old, sending polaroids and photocopies of my journals to PhDs and a photo series of  the Scat mating-dance.  But I guess there are still no reported successes.

So fuck it.  I'm taking this shit to New York City.  You say they spawn on coral reefs?  I'm sayin'  they don't need no coral reefs.  I'm sayin' I got a tank that sustains a marine environment, a brackish environment, and a freshwater environment all-in-one and that I'm gonna make these fish do it and make babies.  Again.  Because apparently it didn't take the first time.  And not only that, but for good measure, this time I'm gonna do it in under ten gallons.  Cuz my balls are just that big.

This is a really stupid thing to aspire to, because it benefits no one.  But yet it shows that even the dumbest among us can make something happen that hasn't before.  So I have this.  What about you?  What have you got to show us?

Call this the Honkycracker Challenge.  In an election year where accomplishing things with your dumb-ass wits is considered "elitist" and a negative quality, I challenge you to meet me.  I can do this dumb shit that no one's done before.  Let us see what you got.

If for no other reason, because it's a big "fuck you" to everything you hate.

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