|
Klutch.xls: "Beat the T! Beat the T!"
Each year in April, the humble folk of the Commonwealth, residents of the Massachusetts Bay Colonies, shut down for one of the stupidest holidays I have ever heard of.
Patriot's Day!
Fortunately, I get the day off. Also known as "Marathon Monday," the day has become one of drunken revalrie. We get up, eat some baby carrots, trek out to Allston and start boozing at about 10:00 in the morning. We hit every packy on Comm. Ave. as we walk the two or three miles back towards downtown Boston, yelling at the runners and singing the Canadian National Anthem.
"Ohhhh Caaaa-naaaa-daaaaa!!!
My favorite is when the T stops to pick up the people traveling on Comm. Ave. And when it slowly starts up again, the crowd pushes the runners on with the worlds greatest chant:
"Beat the T! Beat the T!"
I am sure this is just what every runner wants to hear after pounding the pavement for 20 plus miles. Hee hee.
But the real point here is: Will someone please Beat the Frigging T?!?!? For Christ's Sake!?!?!?!?
This has to be the most F'd up organization on the planet. The MBTA. Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority. Jesus F'ing F! I used to have sympathy for these employees. The socialist in me feels for these poor people who probably don't earn a living wage and cart our fat asses around the city all day. The only interaction they have is with angry, drunk or lost people . . . it can't be fun.
But then, there is also "Consumer Klutch" as I like to call him. Consumer Klutch is not at all happy with the MBTA. Consumer Klutch needs to beat the T.
I have been lucky enough to recently have made enough green off my column here on the Robot to hire my own lacky, an investigator, if you will. Someone I sent to do the dirty work. An insider. They came back with a tape which I have transcribed for you here:
T-Boss - "Good morning employees of the T. Thank you all for coming in today for our weekly meeting. I just want to remind you all that we are looking at single digit temperatures all week. I want to make sure we're running off schedule in the morning, especially at out-door stations. Whenever and wherever we can I'd like to run only one-car trains to make sure we stay backed up for as long as possible. Now, does anyone have any questions?"
Employee #1 - "Hi, I'm out on work release and was told to meet someone here."
T-Boss - "O.K., someone get this guy a bus. Have him drive the #87 from Boston to Somerville. Next?"
Employee #2 - "Yeah, I really don't like handicapped people."
T-Boss - "Not a problem, just tell them that your lift doesn't work and they can wait for the next bus."
Employee #3 - "Sometimes I get tired in the morning."
T-Boss - "Well, you have two options here. You can either stop your train between two stops and take a nap, or just kick everyone off the train at Government Center. Both are acceptable. Any more questions? No? O.K. see you all here again tomorrow, unless you don't feel like it, which is fine."
Beat the T! Beat the T!
|
