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Help Me Rhonda

Can I say that? Am I giving too much away? "Help me, Rhonda!" I find myself saying that in my head a lot when I need to say "help me." Not like in a "OMG, I've just fallen off a ladder, someone please help me!" kind of way, but more in a "Lord, help me!" kind of way, like when I used to say that. That was before I was born-again (June 22 2007.) That was before I read countless pages of Joel Osteen books. Before I knew that the Baby God Jesus did not want me using his name in such a fashion.

Help me Rhonda. Can I say that? Am I giving too much away? Perhaps it is because I have been reading this god-awful Morrissey biography.

Which brings me to my point.

The least-worst top something digital record albums of 2007.

First let me say.

No, wait.

First let me apologize to Stu, I apologize for all those vile things I accused you of doing on New Year's Eve. Seriously. I am sure that was NOT what you were doing. I should never have made that phone call. Technically, I didn't MAKE that phone call, but it never should have happened. For that I apologize. I am manning up. Not saying it will never happen again, because it will. I'm just saying that i will continue to act, and regret. And it is the deep, dark regret that allows me to stand before you and say:

I'm Sorry.

So, Morrissey. No, wait.

The top of the shit heap that was foisted upon us in 2007

So, like Stu, like the post-modern drunkard, I can't say for sure that what I commit to print (is this print?) is the best of 2007. I can't say that it will stand the test of time. I can't say that I have even heard any of this, as my hard drive crashed not 3 weeks before the new year wiping out years and years of "the best music of xxxx year" and whatever nonsense. Though my "back-up" drive managed to copy an image of my desktop including "shortcuts" to all previously referenced music. Shortcuts that when loaded on my "new" hard drive linked to nothing.

So here goes.

Wait. Let's get back to Stu. Seriously.

1. For all the shit music of 2007, I have to say that one of the joys of 2007 other than being baptised at the mouth of the great Naugatuck River, finding my way, and being born again (unlike those of you who have been born only once, FTL), has been experiencing the love of an on-line music community, a community I may never participate in in "real-life" (as Joel Ornsteen has warned me against these intertron predators) and having my eyes opened to a wealth of "new" music from throughout the years. It has been most fulfilling.

2. Stu, I warn you that what comes to follow would likely fall into your category of (quote) groups that I occasionally suspect people pretend to like as a joke on those of us are haven't committed fully to being hipsters yet (unquote). Were you to see me sitting here in my expensive tailored shirt, platinum cufflinks, and shoes costing what many people living in the Northeast Kingdom might call an inheritance or a first-time-homebuyers-downpayment you would be remiss to call me hip.

Better than Bad - 2007

1. Radiohead - In Rainbows

Okay, I am a fanboy. Whatever. This is still in my list. And, as a fan, other than their greatest album (live "Bull Run, VA - Aug. 11, 2001" bootleg) I believe In Rainbows to be on-par with, and perhaps surpassing, OK Computer. At first listen I thought "hm, I wonder what Phil has been up to these past few years." Then I realized that all the percussion on the album was live. wow. Then my brother called to say that it sounded like they recorded the album in the swimming pool at the New Britain, CT YMCA. Then I realized that it sounded like they bought all of their instruments out of the 1976 Sears Wish Book X-smash catalog. And that's not a bad thing.

I'll touch here for a moment on "All I Need." The most wonderfully paranoid lyrics. So simple and beautiful. All the self-loathing. I am a million things. But you are only one thing. You are all I need. So honest.

All of the gloom of Climbing up the walls but with a more brilliant build. We get to about 2:46 and the piano kicks in. Then at 2:56 Phil starts with the crash. When it comes down to it we get a perfect minute and two seconds of harmonius madness. And then, like a proper "album" you are expected to flip the record. God,it takes my breath away.

2. M.I.A. - Kala

Admittedly, not as good as Arular, but in 2007 good enough to make the list. You ever want to put on two pairs of socks at once, maybe flourescent colored, and roll one down so you can see the other? And put on some glimmery stretch pants? And dance in your living-room? And sing about the atrocities of war in east-central africa? Well, M.I.A. wanted to, and she did. And so do I, luv.

3. Panda Bear - Person Pitch

Someone said "have you heard Panda Bear?" and I said "yes" and they said "it sounds like Brian Wilson but it's better"

Yeah, exactly.

# 3 here, but really, my album of the year. It's not always an easy listen. No sing-alongs. I understand his composition, but maybe splitting the 2 twelve minute tracks in half could have helped my drug addled mind pop this on on my commute more often. Made it more "mix-tape-able." But, man alive, this dude made this shit with samples. Damn.

4. Rihanna - Umbrella (VNDLSM Remix)

Holy crap. This is not an "album" but a remix of a song. But I would have paid $9.99 for it. I hold lonely solo cubicle dance parties daily to this song. It makes me so happy I want to cry. Seriously. Find this on hypemachine or whatevz. Go. Do it. Now. Unless you hate fun. In which case, skip it.

5. Hallelujah the Hills - Collective Psychosis Begone

Gots to give some love to the hometown heroes. It could have used a bit of editing at times but each song cycled through as a favorite of mine at one time or another. It only saddens me that their fight song came out here, on an album before they break it big. I cannot believe that this song will not someday be a "summer anthem." Seriously. Check it out. Maybe wait till summer though.


You know, I didn't give "the Boxer" a chance, thought LCD Soundsystem was failing at times, and other than a few off of Sky Blue Sky wasn't in love.

But damn, that Side with the Seeds. That song makes me want to get down with my woman.

=20 love=

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