2001:June:19
2001
I'm not sure if this is a Universal Girl Thang or if I'm just a narcissistic freak (if so, I'll be sure to blame my mother). Every eight months or so (sometimes more sometimes less), I'll have this night where I'm not sleepy, my lover is not in the house, my book is not captivating me - nor is computer, art, tv, kitties, etc. It starts with me looking in the mirror at myself a lot (and it is the same result if I'm satisfied or dissatisfied with the image). Pretty soon, I'm trying on every piece of obscure clothing (clothing that I own but don't wear on a regular basis because it doesn't have any spandex) I have and putting together sort of a fashion show for me, by me, and about me. This will always always involve me trying on my frightening pants. Does everyone have clothing that you don't discard because you have confidence in yourself to eventually slim down enough to fit into them? I, myself, have clothing that I have bought and never been able to fit into them (that beautiful mandarin-style gold silk dress I bought at a vintage store comes to mind). I'm that hopeful. Last night, I did manage to get into several borderline pants, and this was a surprising triumph - although they were too tight for public viewing. It made me remember how this guy Eric (my lover's best friend) once commented that he was freaked out and wouldn't date me because I wore skirts all the time. I realized last night that my skirt phase occurred before I discovered those spandex, boot cut J. Crew pants. Anyway, so that's what I sometimes do: I get myself in getups and look at how they look. If I were ten, it would be called playing dress up.
