2001:September:19
2001
Odd as it is, I'm a southern woman raised in a certain southern school (my friend Mike from Hinesville, GA is the only other one I've met). It's a bitch of a school. I have been absolutely indoctrinated to NEVER LET CONVERSATION DIE. This may be why I hate social situations so much. I realized, last night, that if there is even a fragment of silence, I view it as a vacuum that I abhor. I must fill it with whatever. Because I dislike inane conversation (and this makes sense as I've had to listen to chatter my whole southern life), I often try to fill the silence with "fast-forward-y", "quirky" matter. Unfortunately, I can't always think of universally interesting things.
I've tried being silent when I have nothing to say, and it's unbearable to me. There are long silences interrupted by "So, what.....?". I seem to always have to facilitate what I perceive as awkward small talk.
Shortly I shall get off the cross as someone needs the wood, but I did think it was fascinating to unearth this annoying trait of mine. I'm going to try shutting my mouth now and let people talk to me. Not only does my "talk" make me annoyed and apprehensive - as in "will I be able to keep it up" - but I also become perceived as controlling.
Now, when you try and speak to me and you're boring, you'll understand when I "have to go to the bathroom" or "get something to drink".
There you have it- an entire inane discourse on talking by Kristen Fokker.
